


Secrets

by Synful_Trixx



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-05-22
Updated: 2014-05-13
Packaged: 2018-01-24 14:03:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 36,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1607783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Synful_Trixx/pseuds/Synful_Trixx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started with a secret that turned into two and spiralled her life out of her control.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've rewatched the finale about 500 times so far, and I couldn't get this out of my head. Totally a departure from the norm for me. I don't do dialogue! Thanks to [](http://shellabelle81.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://shellabelle81.livejournal.com/)**shellabelle81** for the beta!

 

_**Have you ever looked back on your life and realised the moment it all changed? The moment that things went from bad to worse… to twilight zone?** _

Lilly bounced around, smiling and laughing, I could almost see the joy radiating off her.

“God Lilly, I see the Prozac’s working.” I smiled at her, laughing at her antics.

“High on life Veronica Mars!” She trilled, smirking at me. “I’ve got a secret. A good one.”

Our heads turned at the same time as our Pep squad advisor told us to get back to work. Lilly flounced away with a small smile and a discreet, ‘later.’

_**I knew from the small smile on her face that the secret was going to be big. I didn’t realise it would change my life forever.** _

_**You may think I’m being a drama queen. Regular teenaged angst right? What secret could Lilly have that could possibly be that big? If you’re asking that question, then you don’t know Lilly Kane.** _

_**She made it her life’s purpose to rattle the cage.** _

“I’ve got a secret.” Lilly sing songed as she lay back on my bed grinning from ear to ear.

“Yes I know… now spill! New lover? Old lover? Did you and Logan finally get back together?” Breathless with excitement I bounced on the bed next to her.

“Well… as a matter of fact I have TWO secrets. Which one do you want first?” She smirked, batting her baby blue eyes at me. Secretive Lilly was a dangerous Lilly.

“Well considering I have no idea as to what the secrets pertain, you better just tell me both.” I grinned at her, batting my own eyes right back. I’d learned a thing or two, being friends with Lilly was always good for lessons in being coy.

“One. I know someone who has a crush on you.” She smirked as I blushed. Lilly was always taking great pride in my discomfort. “And two? I know why Donut broke up with you.” My breath caught in my throat. Why. That’s all I’d wanted to know was why.

“Two. Tell me Lilly. It’s another girl right? He wants another girl? Was it ‘cause I wouldn’t go all the way? It’s something worse right? Something horrible?” My imagination was running wild, girls hanging all over Duncan, touching him where I wouldn’t.

“Stop.” Lilly’s voice came out sounding stern, before she patted me gently on the shoulder. “He thinks our parents have been having an affair.” She stated it boldly. No smirk, no smile, no little laugh to let me know it was a joke. Just the words that cut me to the core.

“Our… parents? What?” I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. Lilly had to be mistaken.

“I’m sorry Veronica, Celeste… she showed me the pictures when I wouldn’t stop badgering Duncan about his reasons. They… your mom and my Dad have been having an affair since high school.”

I was crying now. There couldn’t be any truth in it… could there?

“Celeste… she said there’s a chance that you’re our sister. That’s why Donut broke up with you. Although I have to say, he’s a bit of a pansy ass with the way he did it… he could have at least TOLD you. Look at Logan and me… every time we break up there’s always a reason why, which is usually shouted quite vocally about the quad at school, so not only do we know… but everyone knows.” She smiled at me, trying to make light of the situation. Trying to make me smile… it didn’t work.

My mother… their father… it was all too much. The words kept repeating slowly in my mind and yet, it didn’t make sense. Until it did.

“We always said we were sisters.” I smiled tremulously even as I felt my heart breaking all over again.

“Exactly… now we have proof! Now as for the guy who has a crush on you…” She trailed off, glancing at me from under her lashes.

“I… not tonight Lilly, okay? I… I need time to process, to think… could… would you mind going home? I’ll see you at school tomorrow.” I could feel the tears threatening to fall, pricking at the backs of my eyelids with every rapid blink I made.

“Just remember Veronica Mars. We? Are sistahs! Maybe not by blood, but love does a whole lot more to bind us together.” Lilly kissed the top of my head, hugging me gently and then she was gone.

I let the tears fall, quietly muffling my sobs into my pillow. I didn’t know how I was going to tell my dad.

__**You’d think that was the end of it. One big secret… and boy was it a doozy. Big enough to distort my perception of the world around me. Little did I know that the other secret… the boy with the crush? That was the one that would tilt my world on its axis and knock me flat on my ass.**


	2. Secrets (Part 2)

_**Shelly Pomroy’s party. What a mistake that was. If it wasn’t for Lilly making me go, I would have stayed home moping, still trying to puzzle out how to tell my father that my mother may be having an affair with my ex-boyfriend’s father. Lilly always won. She’d dressed me herself in a white cotton sundress, did my hair and makeup, and practically dragged me out the door with my father waving indulgently.** _

_**As it was, I think, I can pinpoint this as the moment. The one that finally brought the secrets out in the open. Not that the first secret wasn’t a big one, because obviously it was. How could it not be? But… things were about to change forever.** _

“Lilly! Slow down!” I shouted over the loud pounding music, tugging on the hand holding mine. I was stumbling in my haste to keep up with her as she headed towards the bar. Bar meant alcohol, and alcohol meant a very drunk Lilly by the end of the evening.

She finally halted next to Dick and Beaver, pushing us between them as she got two rum and cokes from the makeshift bartender. Pressing one into my hand without a word, she chugged hers back, and grabbed another, all before I’d had a chance to take a sip of mine.

“Geez Lilly! Keep up that pace and I’ll be peeling you off the floor.” I smiled at her as I slowly took a sip of the too strong drink. I hated the taste of rum.

“Lighten up Veronica Mars. We’re here for a good time!” She hesitated for a moment, before smirking at me, “not a long time.”

I giggled at her antics, letting her take my hand and lead me away from the bar, hands held high above our heads as she did her sexy cat walk. Swaying hips and a come hither smile gracing her face as she led me to the middle of the room. Turning to face me she wiggled her hips, and raised her eyebrow.

“C’mon Veronica. Live a little!” Letting go of my hand she threw her head back and raised her hands above her head. Lilly always knew how to have a good time. I laughed and tried to mimic her movements. Failing miserably as always. No one could imitate the great Lilly Kane.

Spinning around in a small circle I stopped abruptly as I saw Logan staring at us, or more accurately staring at Lilly. He didn’t look sad exactly, more contemplative, his eyes intense and burning.

Turning to face Lilly, I leaned in to catch her attention. “Lilly. Logan’s staring.” I whispered into her ear.

Lilly looked over my shoulder and smiled. Eyes closing in a slow blink, looking almost coquettish. “Why yes he is. Think we should give him a show? Torture him a little?” Her hands were at my hips before I could stop her, body moving sinuously against mine.

I was entirely too sober for this sort of show. I tried to pull away, tugging against her hold, and she let me. Let me move away just a little before pulling me back against her front, her chin resting on my shoulder.

“Look left Veronica Mars. Look left.” She whispered in my ear, her voice low and husky, entirely too old for her seventeen year old self.

My eyes moved of their own volition to the left, and I saw them. Or him, since I wasn’t sure who she was. Duncan leaning against a pillar, some girl kissing along his neck while he smiled and gripped her hips, pulling her entirely too close.

I gasped, pain lancing through my chest. I knew we might be related. I knew he certainly thought we were, but how could he do that right in front of me?

Still holding the rum and coke in my hand, I brought it to my lips and downed the entire thing in a couple of swallows. I grabbed the nearest boy, planting my mouth firmly on his, my tongue licking the seam of his lips. “Another drink please.” My voice came out harsh as I pushed him away, letting Lilly pull me back into the cradle of her arms. I wasn’t even aware of whom I’d kissed.

“Well, well, I knew you had a thing for me Mars.” Dick leered at me, before moving in the direction of the bar, presumably to grab the drink I’d requested.

_**The drinks flowed, until I was wasted and grinding against Lilly on the makeshift dance-floor. Definitely not my shiniest moment. Dick behaved like a proper little puppy, fetching and carrying, while Lilly and I monopolized the attention of the guys in the room.** _

_**One in particular.** _

“He’s still staring Lilly. Why won’t he just come talk to you?” I whined, as I looked back at Logan. A tower of shot glasses in front of him the only clue as to how much he’d actually drank.

“Cause he’s not staring at me dorkus.” Lilly laughed into my ear as I stopped moving, turning to stare at her with my mouth hanging open slightly.

“Who? What? Lilly are you nuts?” I babbled a little, trying to… Logan was Lilly’s. He had been since like forever.

“Secret number two Miss Veronica. Logan has a crush on you.” Lilly sing-songed before laughing uproariously at the shocked look on my face. “Oh come on! Knee socks? He thought you were hot? How could you not know?” She giggled out, hand over her mouth, eyes wide, she was totally enjoying my discomfort. “It’s what I was trying to tell you the other night!” She was practically howling now. Typical Lilly.

I felt strangely sober as I turned to look at him. Logan, sitting across the room, staring, as he had been the entire night.

I was moving before I realised my feet had taken flight, out the patio doors and to the pool. Stumbling along in my drunken state. No matter how sober I felt, I was definitely still drunk.

I sat down on a patio chair and laid my head back.

Logan had a crush on me. Logan Echolls. Lilly’s boyfriend. Duncan’s best friend.

I had to get Lilly and Logan back together again, the thought flitted through my mind. Things could just get way too complicated otherwise.

__**Secret number two had been revealed in a drunken haze. No less devastating than the first. Lilly had outlawed Yolanda for kissing Logan. I can remember thinking that Lilly was going to exact revenge. She had to. Logan was hers as she’d stated on numerous occasions. No matter that it wasn’t really my fault. Logan wouldn’t be allowed to cheat on Lilly.**

**Even if they weren’t together anymore.**


	3. Secrets (Part 3)

_**I don’t remember much from the rest of the party. A blurred haze. I’m still not sure if it was the alcohol or the drugs Dick slipped into one of the drinks he was ferrying to Lilly and I. Probably a mixture of both.** _

_**It could have been worse, I suppose. He could have gotten the time alone with me he was aiming for. As it was I thought the consequences of his actions were going to ruin everything.** _

I could barely stand. Stumbling along beside the pool. Lilly was still inside, boys clamouring around her. The world was a pretty white haze of gauzy clouds, the lights too bright, the music too loud. I just needed to rest for a moment. Just a moment.

The lounge chair I’d been sitting on earlier appeared before me and I flopped down on it closing my eyes. Just a moment and the dizziness would pass.

Fingers touching my face, hands touching, caressing, pulling my mouth open and pouring alcohol down my throat. It burned, stung, tore my throat to pieces as I spluttered and coughed.

There was someone sitting in my lap, erection poking firmly into my belly, as his fetid breath washed over my face, gagging me. He whispered about girls, and touching, my girlfriend. I didn’t have a girlfriend.

“Lilly?” I whispered, my eyes still closed. Lilly was supposed to be here with me. Lilly was supposed to take care of me. Lilly, Lilly, Lilly…

I’m floating now, free and easy through the air, my dress hanging down my legs as strong arms lift me up, up, up and away. I can’t help but giggle as my head falls back. “Weeeeeeeeeee,” I whisper, my voice strained from the alcohol, husky and cracked. I don’t sound like me at all.

“You, Ms. Mars, are seriously trashed.” Logan’s voice, near my ear. Logan’s arms, wrapped around me as he laid me gently on a bed. The Bed. Our bed?

I can’t wrap my mind around what’s happening. Why I’m here. Logan has a crush on me, but he’s Lilly’s. He shouldn’t be alone in a bedroom with me.

“Logan…” My voice still doesn’t sound like my own, and I can’t focus. Can’t finish the sentence that’s on the end of my tongue. End of my tongue, I wonder if I stick it out if Logan can read the words there. Would be so much simpler than trying to speak. I try it. My tongue darting out in Logan’s direction, and his chuckle greets me.

“I can’t read the words Veronica. Put your tongue back in your mouth and go to sleep.” He gently brushes my hair off my face, and I’m doing as I’m told. Pretty little princess who’s had too much. Too much of everything lately. But I’ve always done as I’m told.

_**I remember going to sleep. I don’t remember Logan crawling into the bed beside me, curling around my body with his much bigger one, wrapping me in his arms. He tells me all the time he only did it to keep me safe. I’m pretty sure he copped a feel while I was unconscious. He wouldn’t be Logan if he hadn’t.** _

_**The Morning After was a… bit of a freak out for me. Waking up alone in a bedroom with the one and only Logan Echolls. I nearly had a stroke trying to figure out if we’d… if… all this time and I still have a hard time saying it. I tried to figure out if we’d had… sex.** _

There was sunlight stabbing me in the eyes. Trying to sit up, to escape the pain, roll over, something, I must have left my blinds up last night. A masculine arm tightened around my waist, a kiss pressed to my forehead as a sleepy murmur set my heart to racing.

I was in bed with a man. I slowly opened my eyes and came face to face with Logan. I tried to remember how, why, how I’d come to… how we’d… why I was in bed with Logan. Why was I in bed with Logan?

I remembered feeling dizzy, laying down on the lounge out by the pool. I… I remembered Logan telling me to go to sleep. I… I didn’t remember anything else.

I wiggled, trying to move away without waking him. His arm tightened fractionally, pulling me closer, I was going to have to… I was going to have to wake him to get up.

“Logan…” my voice whispered out, scratchy, my throat hurt. I couldn’t think of anything to say to get him to move and then inspiration struck. “Logan I have to pee.” I said it softly this time, my voice rusty, scratchy, clawing it’s way out of my tight throat.

Logan rolled, pulling the pillow over his head to block out the bright sunlight and I was free! I slipped quickly out of the bed, grabbing my dress from the floor. We… had we? I still had my bra and panties on, but… it… we… I turned back to face Logan… wearing only his boxers. Logan was in bed with me wearing only his boxers and I didn’t… I couldn’t remember anything.

I’d know if we’d… done that… I’d know. We hadn’t, we couldn’t. I wouldn’t, only… I finally admitted to myself that I probably would, could, and probably had.

I dressed quickly, glancing back at Logan to make sure he was still asleep. Sleeping peacefully, hugging the pillow, he was almost adorable, well as adorable as Logan ever was, even asleep he still looked like he was up to no good. Hair tussled, lipstick on his neck… my lipstick on his neck.

I ran. Out the door, shoes in my hand. There was no way I could face him this morning. No way I could… oh god Lilly couldn’t ever find out.

__**Just to make mention, alcohol and I? Not the best of friends. I planned to never ever make its acquaintance again. I hadn’t realised at that time that Dick had slipped something into my drink. I thought for sure I’d turned into one of those drunken party girls that fell into bed with the first available guy. The guy being Logan.**

**Logan. Who, at the time, was Lilly’s. Or so I thought.**


	4. Secrets (Part 4)

_**Where was I? Ah right. The disaster of Shelly Pomroy’s party. I’d woken up with Logan, run out the door, and avoided him like the plague for almost a month. I’d learned from Lilly how to avoid unwanted boys. She is the master after all.** _

_**Lilly had been acting strangely too. Disappearing during lunch hour, going to the bathroom during class and not coming back for twenty minutes, when she’d finally returned to class her makeup was flawless but her hair was messed and her clothes were askew. Once she’d come back to class with a different shirt on. Odd even for Lilly.** _

_**But Logan. I’d managed to avoid him for a whole month, dodging and hiding behind Lilly when the need arose. There was no way I was going to have the morning after conversation.** _

“Mall after school, Veronica Mars?” Lilly’s voice broke into my reverie, I glanced to the left seeing her leaning against her locker. Lilly really knew how to lean. One shoulder pressed to the garish yellow paint, body swaying slight as she flicked her hair back over her shoulder. I’d never managed to get the hair flick right. Whenever I did it I usually ended up hitting someone with it.

“I was thinking… Salon? I want a hair cut.” I said the words tentatively, unsure how she’d take it. You never knew with Lilly.

I was mildly surprised when she clapped her hands and squealed. “Awesome! I’ll book an appointment with my stylist. We need to bring out the true Veronica Mars!” Lilly pulled out her cell and started punching in numbers before I could even mutter a protest. I tried anyway.

“I can’t… Lilly you know I can’t afford your stylist!” I made a grab for her phone but she waved me away with another flick of her hair, booking the appointment in record time.

“Come on Veronica. If you really are my sister… Daddy dearest can at least pay for a hair cut.” The words were out of her mouth, tripping down the hallway while I stared. Lilly said it out loud. Out loud meant acknowledging it.

I bowed my head slightly, before looking once again at Lilly. “Okay… but nothing too out there.” I smiled slightly trying to… trying to make peace with myself. If it turned out that Jake Kane was not in actual fact my father I’d find a way to pay her back.

_**I’m not sure what I was thinking at the time. Something about cutting away the girl that would grind with Lilly on the dance-floor and sleep with Logan Echolls. I remember thinking that the girl with the long hair was Duncan Kane’s girlfriend… and I wasn’t that girl anymore.** _

_**Maybe I’d never been her.** _

Three hours after school and the stylist finally finished. My hair now fell in soft waves all around my face. Short layers that brushed the curve of my chin every time I moved.

“If you want to go for an edgier style, use a round brush and blow dry it out instead of under, you’ll get a textured affect that’ll be almost punk rock.” The woman smiled at me. I hadn’t managed to get her name around Lilly’s excited chatter.

At least I’d managed to talk Lilly out of the bright red chunks she’d wanted to put in my hair. My Dad would have lost it. There was only so much change even I could handle in the run of a day.

Staring down at the floor at my long blonde hair scattered everywhere, I couldn’t help but think it was a pretty accurate symbol of the drama of the past couple of months. Tattered fragments of a girl that might not exist. I snorted quietly, drawing Lilly and the stylist’s attention. Shaking my head and feeling my hair brush my chin I smiled and hopped off the seat.

It was time to get some clothes to go with my rockin’ new style. “Shopping?” I asked hopefully, wanting Lilly there while I remade myself, into… into something other than me.

_**Of course Lilly came shopping with me. We spent hours going through the stores looking for anything that would suit my new hairstyle and wasn’t unbelievably pricey.** _

_**I was furious when we got back to my house, only to find out Lilly had bought everything I’d looked at. Regardless of the price. But how do you say no to Lilly Kane? It was and is something I’d never managed. She told my Dad it was an early birthday present, and my Dad said I could keep the clothes. Lilly knew how to work her way around me. Con my Dad and I’d follow suit.** _

_**So back to school on Monday with a slammin’ new do, and hot hip clothes. I’d wanted to walk through those doors with my head held high. I should have known that nothing ever goes according to plan.** _

Lilly was trying to drag me from the confines of her SUV, practically dislocating my shoulder in the process.

“Veronica! Come on! You look fine Mars, get your skinny butt out of my car.” She tugged harder and I finally slid to the ground, the sound of my combat boots scraping on the gravel made me wince.

I looked like a complete and utter fool, I was sure of it. How had I ever thought I could pull this off? How… Lilly. It was all Lilly’s fault. I glared at her for good measure, still staying in the shadow of the car door.

“It is not my fault. I did not talk you into anything… this time. Now get your butt out here before I really embarrass you and get one of the boys to throw you over their shoulder.” She glared back at me, and of course I relented. A Lilly glare was better than a punch in the face sometimes.

“That’s it Veronica Mars. Chin up! Chest Out! Shoulders Back! Okay!” Lilly false cheered, laughing when I rolled my eyes.

“Let’s do this.” My mouth set in a grim line as I tilted my chin up.

At least Lilly had dressed to compliment my new style. Mid thigh length black and red skirt with chains hanging from various D rings, Knee high black leather stompin’ boots, tight baby t with a pirate bunny on the front. Everyone would think we were going to a costume party.

We marched through the front doors. I wasn’t going to look, wasn’t going to look, wasn’t going too… and there they were, the whispers and I looked.

They were all staring, slack jawed and whispering to each other. The first wolf whistle broke the silence and I smiled slightly, when Lilly’s grin near split her face.

“Nice ass Mars!” Dick’s voice came from behind me and I turned to face him. Same old Dick, smirking at me while checking me out from the tips of my hair to the toes of my boots. Since Shelly’s party he’d been at it non-stop.

I looked to Lilly for a moment before making up my mind. Taking a step forward I moved into Dick’s personal space. “Now Dick,” I let my voice fill with sugary sweetness, letting my hand trail across his chest, tilting my head to the side and back so I could stare up at him with false adoration in my eyes, “this is about as close to my ‘ass’ as you’ll ever get, now be a good boy and run along.” I stepped away and turned my back on him, nearly hyperventilating as Lilly looked at me strangely.

“Way to go Veronica Mars! Attitude to match the clothes. I’m impressed.” Lilly spoke lowly in my ear as we continued on our way to our lockers.

“It’s about time I stood up for myself. Dick’s a jackass.” I smiled slightly as I finally got my heart to stop racing. That? That had felt good.

__**The first time I’d managed to stand up to Dick. I felt powerful, in control, on top of the world. Right up until I turned the corner and ran smack dab into Logan’s chest.**


	5. Secrets (Part 5)

_**All that avoidance… gone to waste by the simple act of turning a corner. Murphy really sucks. There I was standing in the middle of the hallway, Logan’s hands on my arms to steady me, Lilly beside me, and my mouth gaping open in shock.** _

_**I’m pretty certain I looked hysterically funny. Although I didn’t feel that way at the time. All that money, all that aggravation to change my look, and Logan Echolls touches me once and it all flew right out the window.** _

I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him. Couldn’t move, couldn’t… everything was happening in slow motion, or maybe it wasn’t. Maybe I was just panicking.

“Well, well Veronica. Playing dress up in Lilly’s big girl clothes?” Logan had his tongue tucked into the side of his cheek as he smiled at me, but the words stung none-the-less.

“Run along Logan. Veronica doesn’t have time to play with you today.” Lilly smirked before pulling me away. I could feel Logan’s eyes on me. Staring as we walked away.

Hyperventilating in the middle of the hallway wouldn’t strengthen my new image would it? Cause at the moment I’m seriously considering forgoing the new image and laying down on the floor to hyperventilate.

“Told you, Veronica Mars. He’s staring at your ass as we speak. Checking out the hotness that is you.” Lilly grinned at me, smile spreading ear to ear.

Nice way to state the obvious Lilly. I could feel his eyes, burning a hole into my back. Taking in my new clothes. At least I’d worn the green capri’s today instead of the mini skirt. Army chic, that was me. Combat boots, capri’s, baby doll pink and green t, and of course the edgier style to the hair.

I casually glanced back as we made it to our lockers. Logan was still standing in the middle of the hallway, staring, eyes intense. I could feel the blush starting in my cheeks spreading across my face, and down my neck. I turned back to my locker, busying myself opening the door and grabbing my books.

I refused to look back again.

_**So there I was, trying to avoid Logan, and up to that point I’d been doing a pretty decent job of it too. Then Lilly. It was always Lilly.** _

_**Lilly had to go and get involved. I wish I’d realised at that moment, or at least somewhere in those days how manipulative Lilly could be. I knew Lilly was Lilly, and Lilly always got her own way, I didn’t realise the extent she was willing to go to, to actually get her point across.** _

I was slowly being driven insane. That had to be it. There was no other explanation for what was happening today. It seemed like every time I turned around he was there. Not smiling, not doing anything much at all. He was just THERE.

I couldn’t take it anymore. I phoned my Dad during study hall and asked if I could come home. I wasn’t feeling well. It wasn’t technically a lie, Logan was making me so nervous my stomach was in knots.

I got in the squad car when my Dad pulled up, laying my head back on the seat. I knew I was pale, which would lend credence to my story.

“You okay sweetheart?” He touched my forehead gently, which only made me feel guiltier.

“I’m fine Dad… just an upset stomach, must have been something I ate.” I smiled wanly, before closing my eyes. I had to figure out what to do about Logan.

I couldn’t avoid him forever and eventually we were going to have to talk. Putting it off hadn’t done me much good. He was staring at me all day. I could see something in his face. I’m pretty certain he was seeing me naked all over again.

Was he remembering the way I felt? Was it good? Was I horrible? Did he want a repeat performance? Did he think I was a whore now? So many questions tumbling around my brain, not one of them had answers.

I really wish I could remember sleeping with him. Remember anything except falling asleep. It would make the conversation we had to have so much easier.

My dad started the car and headed towards home. My thoughts were a giant jumble in my head, but I’d made a decision. I was going to talk to Logan tomorrow even if I died of embarrassment.

_**So there I was, determined to talk to Logan, stomach in knots, my father’s concerned hand on my shoulder, and pretty sure I was going to vomit on Logan’s shoes when we actually talked.** _

_**I hadn’t even told Lilly I was leaving that day. Which may not have been the best idea. Lilly could be impossible to deal with especially when she felt slighted.** _

“Veronica! Phone!” My mom yelled from the living room.

I slowly picked up the extension bringing it to my ear, “Got it Mom!”

“Hello?” I was expecting the worst, that it was Logan phoning to find out why I’d ditched out of the last class of the day, which I had with him and Duncan.

“Veronica Mars! You DITCHED ME!” Lilly’s voice echoed shrilly across the phone lines. It was obvious she was pissed.

“I did not ditch you Lilly. I wasn’t feeling well. My Dad came and got me.” My voice was soft and quiet, trying to soothe my best friend. Something I’d become quite adept at in our long years of friendship.

“You’re feeling just fine Veronica Mars. You chickened out. You ran scared of Logan Echolls and we both know it.” Lilly’s voice was smug. She really did know me too well.

“Fine. I ran scared. Logan is a very scary boy.” Sarcasm was always my best option when dealing with Lilly in this mood. Sometimes dealing with Lilly… no not sometimes, dealing with Lilly was a full time job.

“Exactly. Logan is scary. So between you and me? We’re gonna find a way to scare him Veronica Mars.” Apparently my sarcasm didn’t translate through phone lines, either that or Lilly was in full on ignore mode, only hearing what she wanted to hear.

“I don’t want to scare Logan, Lilly. I want to ignore the fact that you think he has a crush on me. I want to…” I trailed off, before my voice got stronger, “I want to have fun, be more like you. Isn’t that what you wanted?” When fighting with Lilly, never fight fair. Fight dirty and give her exactly what she wants, it usually worked.

“Oh Veronica. You know you’re already fabulous, but you’ll never be as fabulous as me. Use your own strengths. Now as for Logan, this is what I think we should do…”

__**Lilly explained in great detail how we were going to scare Logan. I honestly didn’t agree with any of it. But then I remembered something my father had told me about. The old Bump and Bait. Distract the mark, and do something they aren’t aware of, whether it be planting a bug, taking evidence from them, or simply finding out information they didn’t know they were giving.**

**If Lilly’s plan worked I wouldn’t have to avoid Logan anymore. He’d be avoiding me all on his own. Lilly would be happy, and I could avoid having the talk I’d thought was inevitable.**

**I apparently forgot the part where nothing Lilly plans ever turns out right. She’s never had the patience to see anything through.**


	6. Secrets (Part 6)

_**So there I was, armed with Lilly’s plan, ready to go into battle. Or you know, into the school at least. I remember thinking the mini skirt and knee high boots were like my armour. How naive I was. Like a mini skirt was an ample weapon against one such as Logan Echolls.** _

_**Day one of the ‘Scare Logan Echolls’ plan, and it was doomed from the beginning.** _

There was no way this could work. Absolutely not. I can’t pull this off. I can’t be the girl that I… I can’t be the girl that Lilly needs me to be. I’m practically hyperventilating staring at the bathroom mirror. Lilly’s behind me, rubbing my shoulder gently as she encourages me.

“C’mon Veronica Mars! You can do this. A little bit of acting, a little bit of truth and you’ll have him on the run. All you have to do is… well you actually have to leave the bathroom.” Her face lit up in her devious smile, and I knew I was going to do it, or at least attempt it.

“Let’s get this over with so you can see how stupid this really is. I can’t DO this Lilly!” My voice was verging on hysterical, shaking, along with the rest of my body.

“March Veronica. This is so gonna work.” Lilly pushed me towards the door and I was moving. Out the door and down the hallway towards my locker. Wolf whistles dogged my every step. This was so degrading.

I spotted Logan leaning against his locker watching my every move. I decided quickly to bypass my locker and made my way straight to him.

The look of surprise on his face was almost worth it, almost worth the stomach knotting tension, the shakes and the jitters, almost. Not quite.

I kept walking until I was right in front of him, and then I smiled. Not my usual smile. The smile Lilly had taught me, the naughty one. The one that made me feel dirty just using it. There was no way this was going to work, I chanted in my head.

I pressed in, sliding my leg against his as my hand moved up his chest to gently grasp his neck. Logan’s mouth was hanging open in shock now. Maybe the plan would work.

“You. Me. Tonight. Pick me up at seven.” I breathed out against his ear before placing a light kiss on his earlobe. I felt him nod against me and I turned and marched back to my locker. I felt his eyes on me the whole way.

Maybe Lilly was right. Maybe this was the right way to handle Logan. After all, she’d dated him for years.

_**So I know what you’re thinking. I totally came onto Logan. But that wasn’t the plan at all. Well… it was, sort of. I was supposed to come onto him, and then have him over for dinner with my father. My father, the Sheriff, who carried a gun, and was hugely overprotective of his only daughter.** _

_**I was right the first time. Lilly’s plans never turned out the way they were supposed too.** _

At six o’clock there was a knock on the front door. My dad looked at me questioningly but I had absolutely no clue. Mom and Dad had both said it was okay to invite Logan for dinner, but dinner wasn’t until seven.

I opened the door to find a grinning Logan staring back at me, a full hour early. Car keys dangling from his fingers and bouncing in place he made quite the picture.

“You’re early.” Was all I could think to say. Great Veronica Mars, state the obvious.

“Yep. Figured maybe we could grab dinner before whatever you had planned for the evening.” His grin got wider, smugger, and I knew. Just absolutely knew he was aware of my plan all along. Sometimes Logan was smarter than I gave him credit for.

“Dinner’s at seven.” And now I sounded confused. Just great, he’s going to think I’m an idiot.

Logan pushed his way past me into the foyer, greeting my Mom and Dad like he came to my house every day.

“Mr. Mars, Mrs. Mars. I was wondering if you’d mind if I took Veronica out for dinner. I know you guys usually eat at seven, and Veronica’s curfew is eleven. I thought if we started a little early we could have a good jump on the evening.” Logan didn’t even glance at me once during his speech.

“Sure Logan. Have her home by eleven. Veronica take your coat, the wind is supposed to pick up tonight.” My mom, always so helpful.

“No drinking and driving Logan. And if anything happens call here first.” My father’s voice broke into the silence. Thank you Mom and Dad for not only embarrassing me but ruining the plan.

Things were about to get decidedly worse.

“Let me grab my coat and purse, be right back.” I hurried quickly to the bedroom, grabbing my cell and speed dialling Lilly’s number.

“You’ve reached the fabulous Lilly Kane. If you’re a hot guy leave a number and I’ll call you back. Anyone else I’ll get to you eventually.” Her voice mail.

“Lilly, things just headed south of the border. Call me when you get this!” My voice sounded panicky. With good reason. I was about to go on a date with Logan. A real date, where my father wouldn’t be there to run interference. Or you know, clean his gun.

I grabbed my coat and purse, stuffing my cell phone inside before taking a deep breath to calm myself. I’d been out with Logan a hundred times. I could do this. Just don’t mention Shelly Pomroy’s party, Veronica, and keep things friendly. Logan was a friend after all.

I could do this.

I walked down the hallway towards where Logan was waiting, but as soon as I saw him. I knew. There was no way I was pulling this off. This was the worst idea in the history of ideas.

Lilly was going to kill me.

__**I should have known something like that would happen. Logan was nothing if not unpredictable. Day one of the ‘Scare Logan Echolls’ plan had gone decidedly sour. I remember thinking I could salvage it if only Lilly would call and tell me what to do.**

**The date wasn’t bad. Okay fine, it was pretty fantastic. But it ended up terrifying me. Cause after it was all over I realised something. Logan Echolls, the bad boy extraordinaire? Was really a good boy in a bad boy package. Sweet on me or not. Logan was someone I could see myself dating.**

**But not at the expense of Lilly’s friendship.**


	7. Secrets (Part 7)

_**So the date didn’t turn out like I expected. It was actually quite great. We went to the Village. If you’re unaware what that is… it’s this neat little strip mall. All local vendors selling locally hand crafted merchandise. Really it’s the alternative area of the city. Everything one hundred percent hand made, home grown, hand crafted, etcetera.** _

_**It’s always been one of my favourite places in Neptune. I’m surprised he knew. Or maybe he didn’t. I’m still not sure and he’s never admitted to anything.** _

The wind was a little chilly as we walked along looking at different vendor stalls. I’d zipped my coat a little while before and Logan had offered me his jacket for extra warmth. I’d politely declined. It was one thing to be out alone with Logan, I didn’t want to take his coat and give him the wrong impression. Well more than he’d already gotten from my asking him out.

I found a beautiful puka shell necklace at this tiny stall, an elderly Mexican gentleman speaking Spanish so quickly I had a hard time following. When I finally managed to slow him down he explained that his daughter had made the necklace. I bought it, before shyly handing it to Logan.

“To replace the one I broke.” He smiled and accepted the necklace, putting it on quickly and efficiently. Perfect little surfer boy.

“I don’t remember you breaking my shells.” His voice was slightly confused and I smiled in glee.

“You remember. We were like, twelve? Thirteen? We were swimming… you tried to dunk me and I grabbed at you…” I hinted slowly, reminding him of a time when we were young and carefree.

“That’s right. You were a little imp! You grabbed my shells and tugged. The shells and beads went flying! Celeste had to take Duncan to the hospital!” He was outright howling now as he recounted the story. “One of the damn shells hit Duncan in the eye. Scratched his cornea, Dude had to wear an eye-patch for weeks.!” His hand slipped into mine and I didn’t pull away.

I giggled along with him, clenching our fingers together. “You teased him mercilessly about being a pirate. I remember something about a parrot and a peg leg you bought him on his birthday to go with the patch.” We laughed as we continued to walk. Still holding hands.

“Man was he mad. Refused to talk to me for weeks. Forgave you soon enough though, even though it was all your fault.” Logan was teasing me mercilessly, looking down at me with a smile in his eyes.

“True. But I have something you don’t.” I smirked a little and batted my eyelashes for effect.

“Oh yah, Mars? What’s that?” He brushed his finger across my chin. This was definitely going to far.

“I’m cute and adorable Echolls. That always gets me out of trouble.” I smirked as he laughed.

“What. You’re saying I’m not cute and adorable?” He batted his eyelashes at me and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Being small and diminutive works in my favour!” I pinched his chin and turned around, nearly running smack into Duncan.

He looked back and forth between the two of us, eyes landing on our joined hands before turning on his heel and stalking away.

“Duncan!” I yelled after him, my voice cracking. I took a step in the direction he’d stalked off in but Logan pulled me back by our joined hands.

“Let him be. It’s not your fault he’s behaving like a jackass.” Logan smiled for a moment, not letting go of my hand.

“You mean it’s not his fault he’s behaving like his best friend?” I snarked back smiling slightly.

“I guess I’m rubbing off on him.” Tugging on my hand Logan led me away from the scene. I glanced back once in the direction Duncan had gone, but Logan was a good distraction.

“Ice cream?” I asked hopefully, sticking out my lower lip. That had always worked on Duncan. Actually it worked on my father too.

“Nope. I promised you dinner! No ice-cream before dinner.” He smirked at me. Logan Echolls smirking was always a dangerous thing.

“How about Ice-cream for supper? I’ve been trying to talk my Dad into a sundae night for ages.” I giggled as Logan’s smile turned into a frown for a moment.

“Now that we can manage. Sundae’s I mean. Maraschino cherries have nutritional value right?” He laughed as he spun me around.

_**A small confrontation from Duncan. No words actually exchanged though. I think. Nope I’m pretty certain that’s about the point I started to get mad. Angry. Furious with the fact he’d broken up with me without a word. Lilly had at least told me why, but it should have come from Duncan.** _

_**Logan took me home before my curfew, a solid hour before my curfew. My dad had smiled proudly and patted Logan on the back. Such a good impression for once.** _

_**Lilly hadn’t returned my call. Which wasn’t a new thing. Not with Lilly Queen of the Nightlife. The date had gone remarkably well. Logan didn’t seem the least bit scared. It had been time for a new plan of action. One that Lilly had no part of.** _

Monday morning dawned bright and clear. Sun shining brightly through my bedroom blinds. Logan had phoned twice during the weekend, once on Saturday and once on Sunday. I’d refused to take the calls.

No more avoidance, no more plans of Lilly. I was going to handle this my way. Handle Logan my way. This whole mess had started at Shelly Pomroy’s party. Where I’d gotten drunk and behaved like Lilly. It was no wonder Logan liked me. He didn’t really like ME. He liked Lilly version 2.0.

It was time to be me.

I got up, showered quickly and dressed in a pink floral cotton dress. Curling my hair under. I applied a light layer of pink shadow and a light pink strawberry lip gloss. I slipped on my white low slung sandals and stared at myself in the mirror.

Absolutely boring. I looked perfect.

No more armour, no more new Veronica. The old boring Veronica Mars was attending Neptune High today and Logan was finally going to snap out of whatever phase he was in. There was no way he’d notice me today.

Standing at my locker, I was surprised when Logan slid in beside me, leaning against the locker next to mine. I glanced up then quickly away.

“So I was thinking. Friday was great. Want to try the boardwalk tomorrow? We’ll go right after school.” His voice seemed sincere enough, but there was no way he meant it.

“Look Logan. We both know this isn’t happening. Either you want to get back at Lilly for dumping you, or you’re trying to be nice and cheer me up after what Duncan did. Drop the act and let’s go back to the way things were. Go apologise to Lilly, she’ll take you back like she always does and life can go back to normal.” I didn’t look at him once during my speech. Grabbing my books and heading off to my first class of the day.

I didn’t look back.

**_I’d thought I was doing the smart thing. Giving Logan a way out without embarrassing the both of us. No one else knew about what had happened at Shelly Pomroy’s party. Only Duncan knew about our date. Things would just go back to normal._ **

**I didn’t know how wrong I was. Nothing was ever going to be normal again.**


	8. Secrets (Part 8)

_**Logan did not actually speak to Lilly. In point of fact, he refused to speak to either of us. We’d approach and he’d quickly leave. I’d open my mouth in class to say something and he'd get up and change seats.** _

_**Things were becoming quite strained and Lilly hounded me constantly. She wanted to know exactly what had happened on our ‘date’. There was absolutely no way I could tell her the truth.** _

_**That I had gone out with Logan Echolls and actually enjoyed myself. I was sure she’d hit the roof, or go through it..** _

“Lilly just leave it alone. We walked, we talked, and he took me home. End of story! Stop pestering me. Nothing happened!” I was getting really annoyed at Lilly’s unending questions. There was no way I’d be able to avoid the details forever.

“C’mon Veronica Mars. Best Friends Forever! You’re supposed to share the juicy details! Did you kiss! Did it go further! Did you… OH MY GOD! You slept together!” Lilly bounced excitedly by my side as my face turned crimson. I could feel the heat spreading down my neck.

“LILLY! We did NOT sleep together on our date!” I couldn’t bring myself to outright lie to Lilly. Better to be clear on when Logan and I had slept together. I slammed my locker closed and headed for the front doors. I’d brought my car today just so I wouldn’t have to sit around and wait for Lilly.

Actually I’d brought my car today so I could make a quick escape. Lilly could be absolutely relentless.

She grabbed my arm and spun me around to face her. “Veronica. You’re not being honest. I can tell by the way you won’t meet my eyes. Dish girlfriend before I lock you in the girls’ bathroom until you fess up.” She narrowed her eyes at me.

I knew I’d have to tell her something. Anything to get her to stop.

“Fine. Meet me at my house in half an hour. I’ll tell you everything.” Half an hour was enough time to come up with a decent plan.

_**I was panicked. I picked the first excuse to get her off my back I could think of. I admit now I had absolutely no idea what to tell Lilly. There was no way I could tell her the truth.** _

_**I also should never have thought half an hour was enough time. I couldn’t come up with a plan in half an hour, at least not one that would convince Lilly.** _

I pulled up in front of my house and saw Lilly pacing back and forth in front of the steps. I was only ten minutes late but it figures she couldn’t sit still and wait patiently. I climbed out of the car and slowly made my way towards her.

“Mom and Dad are out tonight. We’ve got the house to ourselves.” Poor evasion tactics, which I should have known wouldn’t work.

“Great! Then we can talk and squeal without anyone overhearing.” Lilly linked her arm through mine as I unlocked the door and practically shoved me inside the house. “Now spill Veronica. I want details! All of them!” She was bouncing with excitement as I put my book-bag down.

“Want a soda?” I made my way towards the kitchen with Lilly dogging my every step.

“No. What I want is the story. Spill or I’ll…” She trailed off threateningly before smiling. It was scary Lilly smile number thirty seven. I cringed inwards and took a deep breath.

“Fine. He showed up an hour early. He somehow knew, or remembered, or something that we ate dinner at seven. He showed up early and asked my Mom and Dad if he could take me to dinner.” I paused as I opened my soda, taking a long swallow to stall my confessions. I never could keep a secret from Lilly for long.

“And? Just dinner? Where’d he take you! Did he bring flowers! C’mon Veronica!” Lilly was practically whining by now, it was time to give the details.

I sighed and continued, “We went to the Village. We walked, talked, just like I said we did. We had ice-cream for dinner, I replaced his puka shell necklace I broke. We ran into Duncan. He held my hand and then he took me home.” My voice was monotone as I recited the facts. There was absolutely no need to let Lilly know exactly how much I’d enjoyed myself.

“Okay first. What necklace of his did you break? And second! Duncan saw you! There was hand holding!” Lilly was hopping around like mad. You’d almost think I’d poured Mexican jumping beans down her pants.

“Yes, Duncan saw us! He didn’t even say a word. Just turned around and walked away. Logan wouldn’t let me go after him.” I sighed mentally, the last thing I wanted was to cause friction between Duncan and Lilly. This whole thing was a huge mess. “You have to remember the necklace? The one that broke and had Duncan wearing an eye-patch?” I giggled slightly, trying to lighten the mood and avoid the topic of hand holding.

“Ah! The curse of the peg leg! I remember now.” Lilly giggled with me for a moment before turning very serious. “Now as for the hand holding. Did he hold your hand first, or did you grab his hand? Was there end of the night kisses? He’s such a great kisser.” Lilly sighed dramatically while placing a hand to her forehead and pretending to swoon. Always the Drama Queen.

I hesitated for a moment to long causing Lilly to poke me sharply in the ribs. “He grabbed my hand. There was no end of the date kisses, so obviously no tongue. I have no idea if he’s a great kisser. I swear.” I rushed out with the last, one giant gasping breath.

Lilly stared at me strangely for a moment before bursting out laughing. “Dude! Veronica Mars! You really think I care? Logan’s a great kisser, but we’re so last week. Last month even! We’re done for good this time. I’ve found me a new playmate and Logan would just screw with that dynamic.” Lilly laughed outright at the shock on my face. I must have looked completely shell shocked, which in actual fact I was.

“Veronica Mars! Is that why you’ve been avoiding him? Because you thought I’d get mad? Go for it girl! If anyone can bring you out of your shell enough to be as fabulous as me, it’s Logan. Remember. You are not a yellow cotton sundress. You’re red satin. You just haven’t realised it yet.” Lilly smirked and I couldn’t help myself. I banged my head repeatedly on the kitchen island.

Lilly was practically howling now, tears streaming down her face as she laughed at me. “He’s never,” each word punctuated with a bang of my forehead on the tiles, “going to,” another slam, “talk to,” my head was starting to hurt, “me again.” I rested my throbbing head on the counter and just moaned piteously.

Lilly stopped laughing long enough to pat my back soothingly. “Sure he will. You’ll just have to throw yourself at him.” I glanced up at Lilly as she took to laughing again, giggles spilling from her lips and coating me in horror.

“I told him to stop. Told him to ask you for forgiveness, that you’d take him back.” I was gaping like a fish now, my mouth open in a little silent o. Even throwing myself at him wasn’t going to work.

“Oh that was brilliant Veronica!” Lilly shook her head before getting that look in her eye. The one that told me she was… thinking. Oh dear god Lilly was thinking again.

“So don’t throw yourself at him. Do it the easy way. Wear your new clothes tomorrow, prance around in front of him. Make sure he sees someone hitting on you, preferably Casey Gant, or Caz Truman, but Dick would drive Logan bonkers.” Lilly nodded her head as she plotted out loud. “We need to make him think you’re not interested. He’ll want you more then.” She tapped a finger on her chin.

“Look. Lilly! Stop for a minute. The whole reason I told him to get back together with you? I think he, well I don’t think he really likes me! He just wants Lilly 2.0.” I hung my head, things just couldn’t get much worse.

“Veronica Mars you are an idiot. A grade A class idiot.” Lilly rolled her eyes before huffily continuing, “When do you think I found out Logan had a crush on you? It was before Shelly’s party! Before you bought the new clothes. Before you finally gave in and did the remodel! Get over it Veronica! Logan likes YOU, you big dumbass.” She flounced, there was no other word for it, she flounced away and sat with a thud on the couch.

“Wear the clothes, Mars. Refine the attitude. Give as good as you get, and maybe, just maybe you’ll be able to salvage the situation. If not. Well I can always hook you up with the Beav.” Lilly laughed at the look of horror on my face.

“I can’t be you Lilly.” I smiled tremulously while shaking my head.

“Of course not Veronica Mars! No one’s as fabulous as me. But maybe, just maybe, if you get over yourself you might just come close.” Lilly smiled.

**_Might come close. That was a laugh and a half. No one ever could be as fabulous as the great Lilly Kane. I shouldn’t have tried. Logan was right when he’d asked if I was playing dress up in Lilly’s clothes._ **

**I should have stuck with being myself. Things might have turned out better.**


	9. Secrets (Part 9)

_**So I dressed as Lilly suggested. Black mini skirt with pink pleating. I loved that skirt. It’s really too bad it got ruined the first time I wore it. Pink and black baby tee. Pink clips in my hair and black runners with pink racing stripes, and ankle socks. I was smoking hot.** _

_**I drove myself to school again. After what happened at lunch that day it was a damn good thing I had.** _

The plan was going great. Logan had been glaring daggers at me all day. I really wanted to bang my head against a locker. He was going to end up thinking I was a nut case. Or worse, just like Lilly, playing with his feelings and then running cold on him.

Why had I thought this was a good idea? Oh that’s right! Lilly convinced me it was!

I made it all the way through the first half of the day. Dick had pinched my butt sometime during second period. I had the bruise to prove it. All I had to do was make it through lunch and the rest of the day and I’d be home free.

Sitting down beside Lilly I smiled gratefully when she slid closer to me. Dick still managed to sit on the other side. Sliding his hand up my bare thigh. “So Mars. You been taking lessons from Lilly?” Dick smirked and I wanted to do something. Anything to knock that smirk off his face.

“Nope. Logan actually.” I paused as Logan’s eyes shot towards me. I smiled slightly before casually knocking my drink into Dick’s lap. “You’re sitting in the wet spot. Learn to control yourself Dick.” I smirked as Dick let out a loud gasp. The ice cold contents of my soda can drip from his crotch.

“That’s it, Mars you…” Dick trailed off as Logan slowly stood up.

“What Dick. You gonna confess how you drugged her the night of Shelly’s party? A little confession is good for the soul.” Logan met my eyes and I could see the apology there. Well at least now I knew why I’d slept with him. It wasn’t the alcohol after all.

My eyes flew to Dick as he flushed bright red.

“C’mon Dick,” I emphasized the D making it sound like two separate words, “be a man!” My voice was ice cold and harsh, I’d never heard myself sound like that. “Or is that pretty much the only way you get chicks these days? Drugging them?” I arched an eyebrow but managed to maintain my cool.

Super strength Veronica Mars, that’s me.

Dick spluttered a few times before backing slowly away. What a coward, running towards the parking lot before anyone could stop him. I’m surprised he’d forgotten it wasn’t the 09ers he had to be frightened of. Daddy’s the Sheriff and carries an awfully big gun.

The table was deathly silent as I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to look at anyone. Nope, not me. I keep forgetting that never works.

“C’mon Veronica. We need to talk.” I just knew Logan had his hand out, waiting for me to take it. I still wasn’t going to open my eyes.

I slowly stood and he grabbed my hand, leading me blindly through the quad. Leading me somewhere other than here. That was good. Anywhere other than here was good.

_**We’d headed towards the parking lot. I didn’t even think about the fact that Dick had headed in the same direction. Didn’t think about the consequences of following. Logan had my hand and I knew everything was going to be fine.** _

_**Sometimes things actually manage to turn out the way I want them too, and sometimes Logan takes matters into his own hands and makes them turn out the way HE wants them too.** _

I stumbled along behind Logan, barely able to keep up with his long strides. I heard Dick cursing and my eyes popped open. I tugged on Logan’s hand but it didn’t even slow him down.

“Logan no. I don’t. Just, no. I don’t want to play nice with Dick. Just STOP!” I finally yelled as I tugged my hand out of his. There was no way I was apologizing to Dick for what I’d done. Not after what I’d found out. And if Logan wanted to beat him up in the parking lot I wanted no part of that either.

“What?” Logan looked genuinely confused as he finally stopped.

“I don’t want to see Dick.” I know my voice sounded petulant, but I couldn’t help it. I stomped my foot for good measure.

“Mine? Or Dick in general?” Logan smirked down on me as he continued to pull me through the parking lot, in the opposite direction Dick was cursing in. Logan was pulling me towards the Xterra. Not towards Dick.

I was stunned momentarily speechless, that was the only excuse I could come up with for why I let Logan push me into the backseat of the Xterra. Stunned, that was it. I was even more stunned when his lips landed on mine.

I really wish I could remember kissing him before. Did we kiss? Was it like this? Hot, messy, hard? I couldn’t help but let out a gasp as his tongue slid slowly across my lower lip, giving him access to delve inside.

I was laying back against the seat with Logan over me, kissing me absolutely breathless. I’m not sure how we got in this position. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and held on for dear life. He was going to swallow me whole if we kept up at this pace.

“Logan,” I moaned into his mouth, clutching at his shoulders, pushing, pulling him closer, grasping reflexively, I wasn’t sure what to do with my hands.

He moved away from my mouth, moving down my neck with gentle sucking kisses, causing me to throw my head back. God he felt good. Duncan had never…

I stopped clutching at Logan. Duncan… what must Logan think of me if we were here now, in this… after Shelly’s he must think I’m…

“Stop thinking Veronica.” Logan mumbled into the skin of my bare stomach, hands sliding under my skirt, and I didn’t have any choice.

My panties were down around one ankle before I realised what he was doing, my skirt pushed up around my hips and he was moving lower. Hot tongue sliding against my…

“LOGAN!” I gasped loudly as his tongue slid against my clit. Duncan had never, I’d never, at least I don’t remember doing this before.

He touched me with easy familiarity, fingers sliding against my outer lips, sliding in, and I’m lost. One finger sliding in and out as his tongue swirled around my clit, lips sucking on it, and I’m flying higher. Higher, and I can feel… something.

I thrust my hips once and groan in humiliation. I can’t stop myself from moving, can’t stop myself from thrusting against his fingers, against his mouth, and it’s almost there. I’m trembling against him, and I want. Just want.

“Let go Veronica. C’mon, just ride it out…” his breath is hot against me, teasing me, as he sucks harder on my clit, and I’m flying.

Shattering in the space of seconds. My hips fly up towards him, beyond my control and I hear a loud ripping sound. My eyes fly open sightlessly as I struggle to breathe.

He’s lapping at me, gently easing me down as my hips return to the seat. My hands are in his hair, clutching hard as I ride his face. OH god I’m riding his face.

I flush brightly in humiliation as I realise what just happened. I had an orgasm in the back seat of Logan’s car. Logan’s finger is still inside me.

I slowly open my eyes to stare down at him, but he’s not looking at me. He’s staring at my skirt. Which is now torn down the front, one part still in his hand, the other trailing forlornly down the side of the seat.

I’d torn my skirt. My panties were still around my ankle.

My day had just gone from bad to worse.

**_I really loved that skirt. Pity I only got to wear it once._ **

**All in the span of a single lunch hour I’d found out I’d been drugged at Shelly Pomroy’s party, stood up to Dick, and had Logan go down on me in the back of his Xterra.**

**What else could happen you ask? Well apparently that was only the beginning.**


	10. Secrets (Part 10)

_**So there I was. Lunch hour at school, in the back of the Xterra, in my panties. I didn’t even have any gym clothes to change into, since I didn’t have phys-ed this semester.** _

_**I think the proper term was up shits creek without a paddle.** _

“Veronica…” Logan’s voice trailed off. He still hadn’t met my eyes, obviously preferring to stare at my torn skirt.

“Don’t Logan. Just. Don’t.” I pulled the tattered remnants of my skirt and dignity around me and opened the side door a bit to check and make sure the coast was clear.

The parking lot’s deserted, I take a deep breath and move to slide to the ground, still clutching my skirt when Logan’s voice stops me.

“Veronica, I didn’t mean for this to happen.” I’m not waiting for whatever else he has to say. I don’t want to hear how much he regrets what just happened between us.

“Forget about it Logan.” I mumble and I’m out the door, hurrying to my car across the lot. It’s definitely time to go home and change, and of course skip school for the rest of the afternoon.

It would figure I’d share the only sexual act I actually remember with Logan. At least it isn’t incest. I’m giggling to myself, slightly hysterical as I lean my head against the steering wheel.

He regrets it. I knew, no matter what Lilly said, I knew he was still hung up on her. How could he not be hung up on the fabulous Lilly Kane. I can feel the wetness on my cheeks, trembling fingers moving up to brush them away when I hear a knock on my window.

I start the car and put it in drive without turning to see who it is. I don’t want to talk to anyone right now. As I’m pulling out of the parking lot I can’t help but look in my rear-view mirror and see Logan standing where my car had been. Watching me drive away.

_**You’re not surprised are you? When things get difficult that’s how I deal. I run, take some time for myself, and avoid the situation until I’m better able to handle it. I admit not the best coping mechanism, but it’s worked for me so far.** _

_**My Dad was home for lunch when I got there. It was fun explaining my little clothing mishap to him. Thank God Dad’s so understanding. I lied through my teeth. Told him I’d caught the damn skirt on the edge of a lunch table. He’d called the school to let them know I wouldn’t be there for the rest of the afternoon. He thought I was humiliated over the student body seeing my underwear.** _

_**I felt sick to my stomach for lying to my Dad, but what choice did I have?** _

“Honey? Dinner’s ready.” My Dad knocked softly on the door. I’d been in my room all day, hugging my pillow and wallowing in self pity.

I was still trying to figure out a way to get out of going to school tomorrow. I didn’t want to see anyone. I still wasn’t sure what I was going to do about Dick.

“I’ll be there in a second Dad!” I quickly wiped the tears away and made my way out to the kitchen. Dad’s still in his uniform from work and an idea strikes me.

“Dad? Can I talk to you for a minute before Dinner?” I make my voice suitably hesitant as I question him from the doorway to the kitchen.

“Of course.” His voice is concerned and I feel even worse for the lie I told him this afternoon, but first things first.

I take a deep breath to centre myself and carefully choose my words, “You remember Shelly Pomroy’s party? The one I went too with Lilly?” My voice is still trembling and his face is growing more and more concerned. Buck up, Veronica, you can do this.

“Yes. The one you didn’t come home from?” Dad’s voice is starting to have a darker edge to it, like he knows I’m going to tell him something horrible.

I hesitate for a moment before I continue. My voice, at least, has gotten stronger, “I kind of figured out I have a crush on Logan, and I know you don’t like him Dad but I really like him, and please, please just give him a chance, he hasn’t been drinking at all lately, and he’s been really sweet to me and I think I really want to date him and…” I cut off as my Dad burst out laughing.

“You, you…” he trailed off after a moment his face red with mirth, “You had me really worried Veronica! I kind of figured out the you liking him part already. You invited him for dinner remember?” He smiled at me and pulled me close for a hug.

I love the way my Dad smells and every time he pulls me in close I can’t help but inhale deeply. He smells like home.

“We’ll see about Logan. I can’t stop you, as you very well know. But! Until he proves otherwise, curfew is nine o’clock on weeknights, and ten o’clock on weekends.” He ruffled my hair when I gave an indignant squawk.

“DAD! I haven’t had a nine o’clock curfew since I was like twelve!” My voice came out shrill, as I pushed him away.

“Fine. Curfew stays the same, but he comes into the house to get you and comes in when he brings you home. One sniff of alcohol on his breath and he’s through, got it?” His voice got all stern. My Dad loves me, it’s not hard to tell, but he’s scary sometimes.

“Nothing’s set yet Dad. I’m not even sure how he… I’m not even sure if he likes me yet.” I’d made up my mind. I was going to make a serious play for Logan. Lilly or no Lilly. Crying wasn’t going to solve all my problems and there was something there. I wasn’t sure what yet, but something at least.

“He’d be crazy not to like you Veronica and you know it.” He hugged me again as we made our way to the kitchen where my mother was waiting.

__**I had Dad’s blessing. I still, to this day, feel horrible about lying to him… but really? How do you tell your Dad ‘I ripped my skirt having sex with Logan in the back seat of his car.’ Dad’s just wouldn’t take that well, or at least mine wouldn’t.**

**After Dinner that night I set to planning. Thank God I’m better at planning than Lilly.**


	11. Secrets (Part 11)

_**The next morning dawned bright and clear, my plan of action neatly tucked into my back pocket. Yes, in case you’re wondering, I wrote it all down. Which as you might guess wasn’t exactly the best idea.** _

_**Lilly had phoned the night before to see if I was okay. I’d outlined a little of the plan, asking for her help to deal with Dick. Of course, Lilly agreed.** _

I was beginning to feel like Veronica Mars; split personality girl. The constant switching back and forth between old Veronica and new Veronica was making my head hurt. Today I was attempting to mix the two sets of clothing together and truth be told, not having much luck with it.

“Veronica! Lilly’s here!” My mom’s voice drifted down the hallway and I could hear Lilly saying she’d just meet me in my room.

“You are not seriously considering wearing that are you?” Lilly scoffed from the doorway. Making her way towards me she grabbed the shirt from my hands and tossed it back into my closet. Scanning my clothes, she quickly picked a pair of plain black capris that would hang off my hips. “These,” she said seriously before turning back to my closet. “This,” she handed me a black halter top with little red roses on it, a sweet little bow tied above the breasts giving it a peasant top feel. She grabbed my silver belt from the floor, throwing it at me, moved to my dresser and grabbed my silver bangles, a silver and red necklace, and silver hoop earrings. “Accessories.” She was certainly being succinct this morning. “Sit down and I’ll do your hair.”

She was pushing me onto the bed when I started laughing. “Lilly! Geez! Let me dress first!” Take charge Lilly was kind of amusing.

“Oh. Right.” A grin spread across her face as she had the grace to look slightly abashed. “Move it Veronica Mars! We have a strategy!” She giggled at me, finally loosening up.

I dressed quickly, leaving my feet bare, and sat on the bed. Lilly sat behind me opening her purse and quickly finding about five million bobby pins. This was definitely going to be painful.

She quickly and easily styled my hair, fingers flying through my blonde tresses, pulling and scraping at my scalp with the bobby pins. She once again reached into her purse and pulled out a white tube. “Waxx is a girl’s best friend. Remember that Veronica.” She worked the stiff purple goo through my hair, making satisfied noises.

I stood and moved to my bedroom mirror. Definitely not what I was expecting. She’d pinned the sides of my hair severely back, leaving the top and back falling free, in a faux hawkish type of look. Messy and unkempt with a glamorous feel to it, I decided I looked hot. Sexy type of hot.

“You’re going to do my makeup too right? Cause there’s no way I could match this look if I tried.” Waiting for Lilly to nod she pulled her make up kit out of her magic purse. I swear sometimes she’s got everything in the damn thing, including the kitchen sink.

She quickly applied my makeup and the effect was stunning. Smokey eyes, defined cheekbones, slightly darker lips. I looked like a vixen. A Punk Rock, Sweet Vixen.

Today was definitely going to be interesting.

_**Lilly and I played dress up. She even borrowed one of my new shirts that said, ‘Everyone is entitled to MY opinion.’ I shouldn’t have bought it in the first place. It was totally a Lilly shirt. As I can prove by the fact she never did return it.** _

_**I was hot. Not just high school hot. But ‘put those text books to better use boys,’ hot. Neptune High didn’t know what hit it that morning.** _

Lilly had decided I needed to wear her black strappy sandals. Way too dressy for school, but absolutely perfect for my outfit. I breathed deeply and tried something new. I pretended I was Lilly.

I knew everyone was going to stare but I’d managed to convince myself on the way to school that I didn’t care. I didn’t care that they were going to stare, that I was going to be the centre of attention. I didn’t care at all. Only I think I’m lying to myself.

According to the plan Lilly went in the school before me as I sat in my Le Baron waiting for the signal. Lilly made it to the front doors turning to nod signalling that everyone was there. She grinned at me, which was definitely making me feel better.

Showtime.

I grabbed my backpack from the seat next to me, stepping from the car. The look definitely would have worked better if I was about a foot taller, but I’d have to manage.

Taking a deep breath for courage I made my way towards Lilly. She smiled and headed in ahead of me. Stick to the plan, Veronica, I reminded myself. Things would work if I stuck to the plan.

I paused inside the doors allowing my eyes to adjust to the florescent lights in the hallway. Also to give everyone ample time to catch sight of me. I knew when everyone was staring because of the almost silence. They’d definitely seen me. I made my way slowly towards my locker where Lilly was standing, barely glancing at her as she paused to stare along with the rest of the crowd. Thank God Lilly was a good actress.

“What’s with the look Veronica Mars?” She spoke just loud enough for everyone to hear. Absolutely perfect.

I could feel Logan’s eyes following my every move. Dick standing near him, both boys practically drooling. Perfect set up.

“Felt like a change.” I used the same tone as Lilly, keeping my voice light as I shoved my book bag in my locker, taking out the texts I’d need for first period.

“A change to what? Bad Ass Veronica Mars?” Lilly laughed so loudly I winced. This was going to be the hard sell, that I’d changed enough to stand up to Lilly, changed enough that Lilly actually believed it. Of course she’d believe it, it was all part of the plan, but the crowd had to believe she believed it. And now I was just confusing myself.

“Nope,” I grinned a little before the next words popped out of my mouth, “Sex Kitten.” Lilly gave me the blank stare, I think I’d actually managed to shock her, she definitely wasn’t expecting that.

Apparently the crowd wasn’t either. Voices could be heard whispering up and down the hall, getting louder as Lilly continued to stare at me.

“Don’t you actually have to, you know… have sex to be a sex kitten?” Lilly finally stated giving me an odd look.

“Working on it Lill, working on it.” I laughed, keeping my voice low. “I wanted to see how the other half lives. Time for a little rebellion. Wanna rebel with me Lilly? Make it good? Give Celeste something to really freak over?” I smirked at her, practicing my Lilly smirk in the mirror last night apparently had worked. Lilly’s eyes widened before she slowly smiled.

“Tonight. You, me and who ever we can dig up.” She nudged my shoulder again. “That’s if you don’t chicken out first.” Laughing, Lilly shook her head and continued to rummage through her locker. She knew what was coming. Knew not to follow me as I moved quickly away. I just hoped I had the courage to actually do it.

I moved towards Logan with purpose. His eyes widening and a slow smile spreading across his face as he realised I was heading straight towards him.

Once again I found myself in a familiar position, pressed against Logan in the middle of the hallway, barely a breath between us. I didn’t speak, and stopped him from speaking the only way I knew how.

I threw myself at him. Actually literally, his head banged back on the locker behind him with a solid clang. My lips smashed into his, parting immediately as I licked at the seam of his lips, teeth biting gently at his lower lip. He finally opened to me on a surprised gasp as I bit harder, my tongue delved inside.

I don’t think I’ve ever kissed anyone like this. Like I wanted to eat him from the mouth down. I’m not sure I could repeat the performance if I tried. Logan’s arms finally came around me, spinning us around until I was pressed back against the locker. He kissed me the way he had yesterday, all hard, messy, loud, groaning into my mouth.

You could seriously get lost in Logan’s kisses. Everything else just seemed to disappear, which would explain why I didn’t hear the throat clearing, until someone pulled Logan away from me. Vice Principal Clemmons didn’t look very impressed. In fact he looked decidedly unimpressed.

The rest of the hallway was clapping through. Loudly, cheering really. I fought to contain the blush I could feel on my cheekbones as Logan stared at me like I was his last meal, Clemmons hand still gripping his shoulder. I’m pretty certain we’d be kissing again if Clemmons would just let go of him.

Lunch, I mouthed at him as Clemmons started to lead him away. The wolf whistles are getting louder now.

“Hey Logan! I’m pretty certain that colour of lipstick clashes with your shirt. Try burnt orange next time.” Lilly’s amused voice could be heard from a few feet away, as the rest of the hallway burst into laughter.

Part one of the plan complete, onto phase two.

That kiss? Best kiss ever. Even thinking about it now makes my mouth tingle. I’m sorry I got Logan into so much trouble… actually, no I’m not. Totally worth the hour we spent in separate rooms in the office.

Part of the master plan you see.

Clemmons put us in different rooms in the office. I waited patiently for him to leave the room, before grabbing the lock picks out of my purse. I quickly opened the file drawer marked C and searched for Dick’s name. Jotting down exactly which classes he had at which time, I moved over to Clemmons desk.

Time to modify that pesky drug search schedule.

I was sitting sedately in the chair by the time Clemmons came back. “Veronica Mars! I’m disappointed in you…” He droned on for over thirty minutes before finally telling me there was no need to call my father, and while I was attending his school would I please stick to the moral code.

“Of course Mr. Clemmons. I’m not sure what came over me. It won’t happen again Sir.” I placated him quickly before taking my excuse note for second period.

Second period was definitely interesting. The whispering started as soon as I walked in the door, even the Mr. Wu speaking sharply didn’t seem to stop it. I slouched in my seat and waited for the bell.

I made my way towards my locker grinning at Lilly, before slapping her a discreet five. “Plans a go. Stay, Watch, Learn.” I we stood for a moment as we watched my Dad’s deputy walk a police dog through the halls, inefficiently trying to avoid bumping into the students hurrying to their next classes. Clemmons was with him of course.

“Dick Casablancas! Keep the locker door open.” Clemmons voice boomed across the hallway.

Dick didn’t speak as he moved silently to the side giving Clemmons and Sacks access to his locker.

“What’s this Dick? It looks like,” Buster started going nuts, “marijuana.” Clemmons pulled the rather large baggie out of the locker, moving to allow Deputy Sacks room.

I smiled as Sacks read Dick his rights. Lilly nudged me and we high fived again. “Phase two completed!” I laughed out right as Dick’s eyes landed on me.

“It was you! I know it was you! I’ll get you for this Veronica Mars!” Dick was shouting at me now as I pretending to be scared, moving quickly back against my locker. I let my eyes widen a little and I bit my lip, the perfect part.

“Shut it!” Sacks voice cut in, “not the time to be issuing threats Mr. Casablancas.”

“Someone call my father!” Dick shouted as he struggled against the handcuffs.

“Already done, Dick, he’ll be meeting you at the station.” Clemmons’ voice, slightly gruff, and definitely unimpressed.

“You know he’ll be back tomorrow right?” Lilly whispered in my ear.

“Yep. That’s why there are phases three through twenty. Maybe more if we plan this right.” I grinned at her.

Dick’s life was going to get decidedly worse in the days to come. Drug me? I don’t think so.

__**Revenge. It is the sweetest thing and definitely not better served cold. I still smile every time I remember the look on Dick’s face as he realised what was in his locker.**

**The really funny part about the whole set up? I didn’t plant the pot. Dick brings it to school. He pays the school secretary to keep him off the search list. Most of the 09ers do.**

**He should have remembered, I know all their little secrets. All of Dick’s secrets with his big loud mouth. Made planning revenge so much easier.**


	12. Secrets (Part 12)

_**  
The rest of the morning flew by. I was wicked nervous about lunch time. I knew Logan wouldn’t forget the word I mouthed to him as he stared at me in the hall.** _

_**I kept picturing different scenario’s. Logan grabbing me and pulling me into a broom closet. Us skipping out on lunch and having sex on the beach. Sneaking into Clemmons’ office and my giving Logan a blow job against Clemmons’ desk.** _

_**Not one of my little fantasies, as embarrassing as they were, prepared me for what actually happened.** _

Logan was waiting at the door to my class as the lunch bell rang. He must have skipped out of his class early. Unsmiling, looking kind of stern, he grabbed me by my elbow and led me quickly out of the school towards the Xterra. Not a word was spoken between us.

I felt like I was being marched to face the firing squad. I’d been thinking of this all morning, but this definitely wasn’t what I pictured.

We reached the Xterra in a matter of minutes, but Logan didn’t open the door, instead he pressed me against it and pressed his mouth to mine.

I had thought the kiss in the hallway was something, but this? This Kiss? Blew it out of the water. I could feel him all the way down to my toes as he pressed against me, his mouth slanted over mine. Tongue worming its way into my mouth as he licked my pallet, teeth biting gently at my lips until they stung.

He moved me gently to the side without breaking the kiss, I could hear the jingle of keys and then the support at my back disappeared as he pushed me roughly into the backseat. Hands under my thighs as he practically tossed me in. The door was still wide open as he stood outside the vehicle, standing between my spread legs. My feet still dangling off the seat and out the door.

I opened my mouth to draw breath to speak and, he stole it. Thumbs pressing into the hollows of my hips bones as he stared at me. Logan can do the intense stare better than anyone I know. He seemed to be searching for something before he nodded once and reached for my belt.

My pants were down around my knees before I managed to break eye contact, I realised the door was still wide open. “Logan… the door.” I whispered frantically as I tried to grab his hands.

Head thrashing back as his long talented fingers thrust in, once, twice, three times into the very centre of me, and I didn’t care anymore. Didn’t care that anyone could see, probably would, had, could see exactly what he was doing with me.

Logan uses his free hand to press my legs up further, hindered by my pants around my knees, he’s watching my face, waiting for something, and there it is. He’s touching this spot, something, and I’m thrusting against his hand and mewling like a little kitten in a matter of seconds.

Smiling now, broad and smug, as he pulls his fingers from me and pushes me the rest of the way into the Xterra, I try to help, scrambling backwards as he struggles in after me, his face between my legs even as he’s trying to pull the door closed with one hand, and pushing my pants down further with the other.

I find it odd that we still haven’t spoken to each other.

The door’s finally closed and he’s giving me his full attention. I can tell, I’m about three seconds away from exploding all over his hand and face. Logan’s nothing if not talented. He hasn’t touched my breasts, or any other part of me for that matter, other than my face, lips, and… there. He’s touching me there so gently now that I can’t get there.

“Harder,” I whisper out as I push my hips frantically against his hand. I’m sure I’ll remember to be embarrassed later. “Please,” my voice is trembling, husky, it doesn’t sound like me at all, but I’m sure it is because Logan’s making eye contact and making decisions I know nothing about, all in the span of a heart beat.

The sound of him undoing his belt is loud, louder than the sound of my panting breaths and moans. I look questioningly at him, wondering if we’re really, if he’s… if this is… I can’t even form the thought as he’s moving up over me.

Logan’s pants are down around his knees but he’s at least taken mine all the way off. My legs are spread one up on the back of the seat, and I’m scared. I may not be a virgin anymore, but I don’t remember the other.

“Trust me Veronica, stop thinking and trust me.” His words are mumbled against the skin of my throat and oddly enough, I do. I trust him.

He slides slickly against my wet folds, hot and hard, but soft at the same time. I can feel the head of his cock nudging at my clit and I can’t hold the moan in. Can’t stop it from breaking free as he gives me the friction I’ve been dying for.

He’s going too slow, too fast, too everything, not hard enough, not soft enough. I can’t stop myself from clutching at him as I try not to lose my mind, try not to claw him to shreds as I struggle to find something to hold onto.

I can hear him whispering, but I can’t make out the words against my ear. The harsh panting breaths of air are hot against my neck as he thrusts harder, faster, I can feel him tensing against me, and it’s over. Done. We crossed the finish line panting like marathon runners.

Running had never felt this good.

I can feel myself clutching at him, at his cock with my, with… I can feel myself clutching at him as my orgasm overtakes me, trying to suck him inside, drawn him in so that this feeling lasts forever.

His sticky fluids are all over my stomach, my pubic hair and he’s chuckling softly, pressing soft kisses against my neck as he tries to regain his breath. His arms are shaking, I can feel them against me, trembling ever so slightly, straining with the effort to keep himself from crushing me.

I close my eyes and breathe in deeply. I can smell us, thick and heady in the air, and it’s starting all over again. The wetness between my legs increasing as I remember, imagine what he’d feel like actually inside.

“Classes are about to start. We should go clean up…” Logan’s voice is a soft, low, rumble against my ear, and I can feel the disappointment well up inside.

I was hoping… thinking, but apparently he doesn’t think, or want the same things.

“You’ll have to move.” My voice is equally as soft as his, scratchy with dryness, my throat sore. I chuckled lightly as he groaned before pulling away, our bodies clinging together.

I wiped the sticky fluids away with a couple of left over McDonalds napkins he had stashed behind his seat, it would have to do until I could get to a bathroom. We dressed in record time and were standing outside the Xterra when he looked at me. Really looked at me.

“Veronica…” Logan’s voice trailed off into uncertainty and I decided now was not the time to confess my affections.

“Don’t worry about it Logan. It is what it is.” I pressed myself against him and kissed him. Hot, hard, messy, thorough, before I turned and slowly sauntered casually back towards the school.

If he saw my face right now he’d know it was an act. He’d know I was lying about it being what it is. This wasn’t an is, this? This was the whole damn thing.

**_I’m actually quite proud of myself for that day. Not only did I manage to step outside my shell, I also managed not to hyperventilate until I was alone in the girls bathroom. Quite a feat considering what a mess I was._ **

**Two mind numbing orgasms in as many days and I was done. I’d made up my mind if he didn’t want me romantically, I’d make him want me sexually. Sex is a weapon as Lilly always says. I planned to wield it with mighty force.**

**Speaking of Lilly, we had plans for that night, phase three of the ‘screw Dick over’ plan.**


	13. Secrets (Part 13)

_**The rest of the school day went by with lots of intense Logan stares. No one leans the way Logan leans, against lockers, walls, the janitorial closets. That spawned a few more fantasies. I ditched out of my last class to avoid him but he still somehow managed to be leaning against my car when I got there.** _

_**I still don’t understand how he does that. Anticipates what I’m going to do before I do it. It’s really annoying.** _

“You gonna run away again Ver-ronica?” Logan’s voice was tense as we faced each other. I could see the stiff line of his shoulders as he crossed his arms, leaning casually back against my car. His body language screamed anything but casual.

“I haven’t been avoiding you Logan, you been drinking during the school day again?” I smirked outside, while inside, my stomach quivered. The last thing I needed right now was a confrontation with Logan.

“What would you call moving in the opposite direction every time I get near you?” He raised an eyebrow as I stepped closer to him.

“You looking for a repeat performance? Cause with the top down on my car there isn’t much privacy.” I smiled at him, hoping to diffuse the situation before Logan got out of control.

“Funny. We need to talk. Now.” Logan’s voice remained firm and he didn’t smile. One of his hands moved towards me and I was sure he’d changed his mind. Right up until he grabbed my arm and practically shoved me into my car, hopping in beside me he said only one word. “Drive.”

Apparently the confrontation was unavoidable.

I started the car and slowly pulled out of the parking lot, Logan sitting beside me. “Where too Master Mine?” I said sarcastically. When confronted with a stern Logan Echolls always resort to sarcasm.

“Just drive.” He stated, voice still tense. He turned his head to look at me with those intense eyes again and I shifted uncomfortably in the drivers seat. “What is this Veronica? A way to rebel, you want to be more like Lilly is that it? Use the great Logan Echolls for your own ends?” His voice sounded hurt.

I turned to look at him when I pulled to a stop at a red light. I could read the hurt plainly on his face.

“I’m not sure what this is Logan. What do you want it to be?” I asked softly, as I pulled away from the light. Driving aimlessly had never been my strong suite. I was driving in circles.

“It obviously doesn’t matter what I want Veronica. I’m asking what you want.” His tone was softer now, gentler, and I’m not sure I liked this Logan better than stern Logan.

“I…” I trailed off after a moments hesitation before I finally screwed up my courage. “Would you like to come for dinner? For real with my Mom and Dad?” My voice came out hesitant and I refused to look at him.

“I’d like that Veronica.” He smiled at me, I could see the blinding whiteness of his teeth out of the corner of my eye, the hurt was slowly fading.

“I’m not sure what this is Logan. But… I’d like to find out, if you’re willing that is.” I smiled for a moment, putting myself out there for him, and he didn’t disappoint.

“One day at a time. I can handle that. As for willing… ready, willing, and able Ma’am!” He snapped a salute and I burst out laughing.

“See? That’s what I’ve been missing.” He smiled again, a wide grin, before he gently rubbed a knuckle down my cheek. “You should laugh more Veronica.” His voice was even softer now, almost drowned out by the roar of the car engine.

“When I find things to smile about, I’ll smile.” I grinned for a moment, moving my face into his hand, before I pulled back into the school parking lot. “I’ve got to get ready for my night on the town with Lilly.” I hesitated before leaning over and kissing him softly on the mouth. “I’ll call you later and we’ll talk about dinner.” I smiled as he pressed a soft kiss to my forehead before getting out of the car.

“Make sure you do. I don’t want to have to chase you all over Neptune again, although I will if you make me.” He grinned before jauntily moving away, there was a definite bounce in his step.

**_Dinner with my parents didn’t sound so bad. I could get my Dad used to the idea of Logan, explore my feelings for him, and get him to stop following me around all in one fell swoop. It was a plan._ **

**_I had to hurry and get home after that, I’m pretty certain I broke at least a dozen traffic laws on my way. Lilly was picking me up in less than an hour._ **

“So where we going tonight?” I was genuinely curious. Lilly had been all mysterious since picking me up fifteen minutes before.

“Dog Beach. There’s a bonfire tonight.” Lilly turned her head and smiled at me quickly, “and before you freak out, Dick’s grounded and will not be there. I made sure just for you.” She smiled again at my sigh of relief.

We made good time to the beach, getting out of the SUV, Lilly handed me the keys. “I’m gonna have a few beers, you drive.” Nodding quickly, we made our way towards the fire down the beach.

I could see Logan in the firelight, his eyes found me the moment we stepped on the beach and he never once looked away as we made our way towards him. Without a word he handed Lilly a beer and then put his arm around my shoulders.

“Veronica, wasn’t expecting to see you quite so soon.” I could hear the smile in his voice, I couldn’t help but smile back.

“Lilly’s idea.” I laughed at his disappointed look. “But it was definitely a good one.” He kissed my cheek before wrapping his other arm around Lilly.

“So what kind of trouble are my two favourite girls going to be getting up to tonight?” He smirked at the both of us in turn.

“Drunken debauchery. You know, the usual.” Lilly laughed as she shrugged off Logan’s arm, making her way around the fire to a group of 09er boys, leaving us alone.

“I’m glad you decided to come.” Logan’s voice was gentle as he stared down at me, his arm tightening for a moment in a half hug.

“Lilly didn’t give me much choice, but I’m kind of glad I did too.” I stood up on my tiptoes and kissed his chin. “Good thing it’s a Friday!” I laughed as I watched Lilly begin chugging beers.

The party progressed along its natural course through the night, Lilly getting more intoxicated at each passing hour. Logan continued to nurse the same beer as they sat in companionable silence.

I made my apology to Logan and headed towards Lilly. I had a question that I might actually get answers to now that Lilly was intoxicated and more free with her words.

“Lilly!” I yelled above the roar of the fire. She turned to face me and leaning against me and putting her head on my shoulder.

“How do I tell my Dad?” I asked quietly into her ear. The question had been bothering me since the night that Lilly had told me we were probably related. I still hadn’t figured out a solution. I had no idea how to tell my Dad that my Mother was an adulteress.

“That’s the good thing about the whole situation Veronica Mars. He already knows, has all along.” She slurred out, before turning quickly away towards some guy attempting to get her attention.

My Father had known. He knew and hadn’t told me. The words swirled around in my head as I stumbled away from Lilly, away from the fire, away from, just away.

I could feel the tears flowing down my cheeks the cool wetness stinging my face in the cool night air. I couldn’t see anything. I felt a hand gently touch my shoulder and I swung around, barely missing Logan’s face with my elbow.

“Veronica? You okay?” His voice was soft and hesitant, but he kept his hand firmly on my shoulder, offering comfort. “Did Lilly say something?”

“Doesn’t she always?” I asked through my sniffles.

“Did she say something about… us?” His voice had gotten lower as he attempted to pull me closer, but suddenly I was angry. Rage bubbled up from my stomach and threatened to spill out of my mouth.

I shoved him away before glaring at him, brushing angrily at the tears on my cheeks, “Not everything is about you Logan. Get over yourself.” I moved to leave quickly wanting nothing more than to escape.

Logan of course, wouldn’t let me go. He grabbed my arm pulling me around to face him. “I was just asking Veronica, don’t get all defensive. If it wasn’t about me, what did she say that got you so upset? Why are you crying? Talk to me Veronica, don’t run.”

I didn’t want to hear it, didn’t want to listen to anything he had to say. I shook him off and turned away. “Drop it Logan, it’s none of your business.” I stalked off and this time he let me go, his voice echoing after me.

“You’re my business Veronica.” I didn’t pause, didn’t turn, I just kept moving away from him.

I went looking for Lilly. I wanted to go home. Wanted out of here. Lilly of course was nowhere to be found.

**_I searched for more than an hour and still couldn’t find her. I’d learned that the PCH Bike Club had been by to see the festivities, being quickly sent away by Logan and the rest of his posse with a few beers and minimal violence. No one had seen Lilly since._ **

I was tried and frustrated. Lilly had apparently ditched me. I really shouldn’t be surprised, Lilly had a habit of disappearing on me when she’d had a few too much to drink. But tonight, after everything that had happened. The revelation, the fight with Logan, tonight really wasn’t the time to be pulling a disappearing act.

I finally gave up, heading towards the SUV. I’d return it to Lilly tomorrow, but I needed to get out of here now. I unlocked the driver’s side door, quickly opening it, and heard a loud curse from the back seat. That definitely wasn’t Lilly.

“Who’s there?” My voice came out frightened, I drew a deep breath before quickly swinging the back door open. To say I was shocked would be an understatement.

One, Eli ‘Weevil’ Navarro was on the backseat, pants around his ankles, Lilly kneeling in the crawlspace at his feet, her lips wrapped around his… cock. Lilly was giving Weevil a blowjob. I stood there for a moment, mouth hanging open in shock, when Lilly’s eyes rolled towards me, not even slowing in her fast strokes of the boys dick.

She winked at me. Lilly winked at me, with her lips wrapped around… she winked at me. Weevil was cursing steadily his hands buried in Lilly’s hair and I couldn’t tell if he was pulling her closer or trying to push her away.

“Beat it blondie, this isn’t a spectator sport.” He ground out between clenched teeth. Lilly must have done something when he said that, because his eyes were rolling up, and his hips were bucking, and I still couldn’t pull my gaze away. Eli Navarro had just came in Lilly’s mouth.

I learned something new today. Lilly swallowed.

I slammed the door quickly, trying to slow my rapidly racing heart, fingers going to my chest to feel the drumming tattoo under my fingers. I was panting. Lilly and… Weevil.

They came stumbling out of the back seat a few moments later. Weevil looking embarrassed but Lilly just looked smug. I wouldn’t meet either of their eyes.

“You better be able to keep a secret Mars.” I couldn’t help but laugh. Secrets. The whole big mess of my life started with a secret, it seemed fitting.

“One condition Weevil.” I emphasized his name letting it drip off my tongue. I’m not sure how I made my voice so steady when my heart was still racing.

“What’s that?” He was genuinely curious, and I finally noticed, he wasn’t meeting Lilly’s gaze either.

She was conspicuously silent through the whole exchange.

“Drive me home.” I don’t think anyone was more shocked than myself at my statement.

“Deal.” He moved towards his Bike, which I’d previously not noticed, on the other side of the SUV, handing me a helmet. I hopped on as he revved the engine.

I didn’t look back at Lilly as we sped away.

_**The ride home was uneventful. Let me tell you, there’s nothing that compares to the feel of a big ol’ hog between your thighs. The hum of the engine, a biker in front of you, if I wasn’t so hung up on Logan… no, it still wouldn’t happen. Logan was far enough out of my league; Weevil would have eaten me for breakfast.** _

After we’d pulled up in front of my house, I got off the bike, silently handing Weevil his helmet. I slowly made my way to the front door where I could see my father waiting for me.

“Was that Eli Navarro I saw?” His voice was curious and stern all at the same time. A tone only my Father could pull off with any sort of accuracy.

“Yes.” My voice was succinct. I met his gaze and suddenly the anger was back. Rage bubbling up from inside me and it was flowing out of me, burning in my eyes as I stared at him. He’d known all along.

“What’s gotten into you Veronica? First Logan? Now Weevil? Is this one of those teenage rebellion things I’ve read so much about?” He made it into a joke, but I could hear the underlying concern in his voice. It was all a lie.

“I figured I’d act like what I am Dad.” I put a sarcastic inflection on the word as I removed my sandals, barely glancing at him as I hung up my coat heading towards my bedroom.

“And just what IS that Veronica?” Now he sounded angry. Good. I wanted him angry.

I turned to stare at him for a moment, standing in the dimly lit hallway.

My whole life was a lie. He’d known all along. Lilly wouldn’t lie about something like that. He’d known and he hadn’t told me. He’d kept it a secret. The one man a girl could depend on was supposed to be her Daddy, but apparently both of mine had failed me.

“A Kane.” My voice was clipped as I slammed my bedroom door, his shocked face still staring at me from the hallway.

Apparently all the secrets were out in the open now.

**_My father and I had never fought like that before. We haven’t since either. I love my Father. I’m truly blessed to have him in my life. I was pretty certain I’d never get over the betrayal._ **

**He’d lied, when he’d always preached honesty. He may not have outright lied by telling me, ‘No Jake Kane is not your father,’ but he lied by omission.**

**I didn’t know who I was anymore.**


	14. Secrets (Part 14)

**_  
I hate fighting with my father. I love him, he loves me, I know this. I really know this, but when we fight? I feel like my world is ending. This was the fight to end all fights. Lilly had told me that my Dad had known that I wasn’t his, that he’d known all along, and I wasn’t sure I could forgive him._ **

**_Logan… well he wasn’t willing to give up. He’d told me he’d chase me all over Neptune if he had too. He did. Have too, I mean, I ran like a scared little girl. Thank god that boy is persistent._ **

I’d been avoiding Logan and Lilly all week. Doing a pretty darn good job of it too, except for classes. Classes in which I refused to make eye contact, I sat as far away from both of them as I possibly could. I just wasn’t ready to deal yet.

It was Friday, a week after the beach party from hell. I hadn’t spoken to my parents all week, locking myself in my room to avoid them. I wasn’t sure how much longer they’d let it go on, but I was taking the time I could get for now. The final bell rang and I slowly got up from my seat, gathering my books and heading to my locker.

When I saw Lilly leaning against my locker I made a detour to the bathroom. I’d wait her out, Lilly wasn’t known for her patience. I was washing my face when I heard the door open behind me. I glanced up into the mirror and froze in shock. Eli ‘Weevil’ Navarro stood behind me, leaning against the closed bathroom door.

“You’re one hard chica to track down V.” He smirked at me, and I felt my stomach clench. This was so not going to be good.

“V? Little familiar don’t you think?” I moved slowly to the paper towel dispenser, my eyes meeting his in the mirror.

“Veronica’s a bit of a mouthful for me. I’m slow, got to keep things simple.” He chuckled for a moment before his gaze turned serious again. “You got to stop avoiding Lilly.”

“I have to do no such thing.” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. I startled myself with the steely tone of voice. I didn’t sound like me.

“Yes. You do. She’s sorry she embarrassed you. She’s sorry you found her like that. She won’t shut up about missing you, so if you don’t’ stop avoiding her I’m going to be driven insane by the blonde bitch.” He smiled at me, the first genuine smile I’d ever seen on his face.

“Blonde bitch huh?” I smiled; apparently Weevil did know Lilly quite well.

“Yah, and before you ask, I call her that to her face. She’s a bitch and she knows it, quite proud of it too.” He laughed outright now.

“Fine. I’ll stop avoiding Lilly. But not today, today I just want to go home and avoid the rest of the world.” I sighed, slinging my book-bag back onto my shoulder.

Weevil held the door open for me as we exited the washroom, “Just make sure it’s soon, I’m not sure how much more I can take before I wring her skinny little neck.” He smiled at me, before nudging my shoulder with his.

That was officially the strangest conversation I’d ever had in my entire life, in the girl’s washroom to boot. Sometimes I questioned the sanity of my fellow peers.

Logan was standing beside the door when Weevil and I exited. He fell into step beside me. “We’re going to talk eventually you know.” He said it almost casually, not even glancing at Weevil.

“I know. Today?” I really wasn’t looking forward to going home. Logan was the lesser of two evils. The surprised look on his face told me he wasn’t expecting me to give in so easily.

“Now’s good.” He slung his arm over my shoulder and continued to walk me to my locker. I felt comfortable for the first time in a week. I probably shouldn’t have avoided him so long.

“Lilly gave me some… distressing news at the party last Friday. I’m sorry I over reacted to it, to what you said. You… I’m sorry I yelled at you.” I spoke as quickly as I could, trying to get the words out in a rush before I lost my nerve.

Logan looked so shocked I couldn’t help but laugh. Apparently he was expecting me to put up a fight, or at least argue with him.

“Okay… and now?” He said it hesitantly, like he was trying to see where this conversation was going.

“Now I’m not so upset. Now I’m apologizing and you’re supposed to accept it gracefully.” I smiled up at him, a genuinely sweet smile, at his look of confusion I laughed again. Logan’s cute when he’s caught off guard.

I pressed against his front, leaning up and placing a gentle kiss on his lips. “I meant it when I said I wanted to see what this is. What we could be.” His smile nearly split his face, I couldn’t help but return it, smiling widely and staring up at him.

Logan leaned down placing a gentle kiss on my lips as he took my book bag from my hands. “I’ll carry that.” We walked from my locker and out the doors, heading towards my Le Baron. “What are you doing right now?”

“Walking to my car with you?” I asked in confusion.

He let out a loud laugh as he lightly pinched my cheek. “And after we get to your car? Are you going to get in and drive home to your house and not speak to me for the rest of the weekend? Or are you going to give in gracefully and go hang out with me?” His voice was gentle and teasing.

“You. I’m definitely doing you.” I smiled as his smile turned wicked.

“Doing me, Mars? I’m shocked at your language for such a good girl.” He bumped his shoulder gently into mine as he teased me.

“I’m not a good girl, Logan. I’m just drawn that way.” I mangled the Jessica Rabbit line to suit my own purposes, and it worked, Logan was laughing harder now.

“I’d like to say I believe you Sugar puss, but we both know that isn’t true.” He pressed me up against the door of my car placing a gentle, but thorough kiss on my lips. Pulling back he stared into my eyes for a moment, “I kind of like the fact you’re a good girl.” His voice was gentle, unsure of what my response would be.

“Well then, we’ll have to work on getting me to behave.” I laughed, as he pressed closer. “What did you have in mind for today?” I asked quickly as I grabbed my bag from him, throwing it into the back seat.

“Wanna share an ice cream soda at the local ice cream parlour?” Logan snarked as he snaked his arm around my waist. “How about the beach? We could go get Back-up and take him for a walk?” His breath tickled my neck as I nodded. “I’ll meet you there in half an hour. Go get that menace of yours and I’ll see you then.” He turned me around and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. “Until then my sweet.” And he was gone, heading towards the Xterra before I even had the chance to respond.

**_Logan was always doing that. Saying something and then just leaving before I had a chance to say anything at all. He still does it when we fight, drives me absolutely insane. I think that’s why he does it, cause he knows it gets to me._ **

**_We spent the afternoon at the beach; my parents hadn’t been home when I’d gone to get Back-up. I’m not sure how much of a damper that would have put on my afternoon._ **

**_Logan followed me back to my place; we’d made plans to watch a movie. Those plans quickly fell through when I got home._ **

My Mom and Dad were waiting in the living room when we walked through the door. The look on my Dad’s face alone was enough to give the situation away. My running days were over; they weren’t going to put up with the silent treatment anymore. So much for avoiding the situation.

I turned to Logan and gave him an apologetic smile. “The gig is up. Time for you to go home.” I leaned up and kissed him on the mouth, in front of my parents. Forgetting for a moment that I’d seen Lilly do the exact same thing after the all night stint we’d done in the limo. Apparently Logan remembered by the look on his face.

“I’m not someone you can use to piss of your parents.” His voice was slightly hard as he whispered to me; clearly I’d upset him.

“I know. I’m sorry, but we’ve been fighting all week and as you can tell by the looks on their faces apparently now is the time they want to talk. We’ll do a movie night when this gets all sorted out.” I promised, providing I wasn’t grounded for the rest of my natural life.

Logan nodded shortly, apparently still unsure of my intentions. I’d have to prove myself to him later. I pushed him gently towards the door, shutting it gently behind him and staring at it for a few minutes before I turned slowly. I felt like I was facing the firing squad.

“Veronica…” I was surprised he’d managed to stay silent so long; normally he’d have been booting Logan out the door so he could berate me in private. “Veronica, this isn’t going to be an easy conversation. I’m not sure who… well okay I know who it must have been, but it’s more complicated than that.” He smiled gently and I felt the anger well up again.

“Sure. I wouldn’t understand, I don’t know, how could I? You never TOLD me!” It probably wasn’t the best idea to raise my voice to my Father. Badness lies that way.

“You’re right,” obviously my surprise showed on my face because he snorted gently, my mother had yet to say a word, “you’re right, we never told you, we didn’t think it was an issue. You’re mine in every way that counts. How could you not be? You have the Mars family charm.” He smiled gently, still sitting calmly on the couch.

My mother finally spoke up, her voice shaking as she wiped a tear from the corner of her eye, “I’m not sure. I’m not sure who your blood Father is Veronica, but in every way that really matters…” She trailed off as I broke in.

“Every way that matters? How about… if I suddenly need a kidney… and Keith here isn’t a match? Isn’t my father? Medical history… how about the fact I may have been dating my BROTHER and no one thought to mention it? Does that not matter?” I was angry and hostile, but I had a right to be.

“Again you’re right, we should have told you, but we’re telling you now. We’ve also decided it’s time to have that paternity test.” He smiled gently again, all loving concern and patience. My father, ladies and gentlemen, the pacifist Sheriff.

**_Apparently they’d decided enough was enough. A paternity test would put to rest all of our issues… only it wouldn’t. It wouldn’t change the fact that they’d lied to me. It wouldn’t change the fact that I could have committed incest. It wouldn’t change the fact that I might not be who I thought I was._ **

**Things have a way of working themselves out. They always do. I just had to wait for the results of the test, and then re-evaluate where my life stood. Who I was, because if I wasn’t Veronica Mars anymore, did I want to be Veronica Kane?**


	15. Secrets (Part 15)

_**Surprisingly enough I didn’t get grounded for giving my parents a full week of the silent treatment. There were no recriminations at all really, my Mom was solicitous, my Dad was contrite, and I apparently walked on water.** _

_**Logan and I were getting along well, I was doing my damned best to prove to him I wasn’t like Lilly. Not really, not where it counted.** _

Logan was driving me home after school. We’d made plans to get together and watch movies, tame and boring, but watching movies with Logan was a whole new experience. He openly mocked the actors that he’d known since he was a small infant, having lived in and around them his whole life. He made fun of their acting ability, their clothes, told anecdotes on their personal lives, this one was a junkie, that one had affairs, that one was really gay, and he always carried on until the end of the movie.

It was like being at a movie with a professional heckler. I had never spent so much time laughing in my entire life. My face actually hurt at the end of the day from smiling so much. Life, life was good at the moment, even with the test of doom hanging over my head.

I’d decided I couldn’t wait for the DNA test my Dad had scheduled. To be honest three days after Lilly had let the big secret out, that I might be a Kane, I’d ordered a DNA test online, they send you a package, a few drops of blood and a few weeks later you’d have your results. I’d held off on actually doing the test. Until Lilly had dropped the second bombshell that my father had known all along he wasn’t my father.

I tried not to feel guilty, tricking my dad into doing the DNA test. I tried to think of it as the right thing for me. No matter the results, he was my father, but I had to know. Had to know if Duncan and I were actually related, if only for my own peace of mind.

I’d told my father it was for a health class project, convinced him I was squeamish; it had been all too easy to lie right to his face. He’d pricked his finger without a fuss, smiling at me. I think he was just glad to be back to semi-normal, without the silent treatment.

Lilly and I had dubbed it the test of doom, there was an elaborate naming ceremony as I’d poked myself with the tester stick to place on the small sheet of paper. I already had my father’s; Lilly came with me when I dropped the envelope in the mail. She’d held my hand and told me we were sisters no matter what the results were.

I was drawn out of my thoughts by Logan’s arm sliding around me. He placed a soft kiss on the back of my neck, before his voice whispered in my ear, “How about we skip the movie and go to the beach? We’ll go to your place, get your suit, and we’ll go swim in the ocean like dolphins.” I could hear the smile in his voice.

“You just want to go surfing with the boys!” I laughed out before turning in his arms to place a kiss on his cheek.

“Guilty as charged Sugar puss.” He laughed.

“No deal. You promised me movies.” I pouted for a moment and he gave in gracefully, or not gracefully if the long suffering sigh was anything to go by.

“Okay. Movies at your place, dinner with your family, and then, maybe, just maybe if I’m a good boy, a walk on the beach?” He tilted his head and batted his eyelashes at me and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re such a ham! As for the good boy part, I much prefer you when you act like yourself.” I puckered my lips and blew him a raspberry. I finished up in my locker and he slung his arm around my shoulder, leading me out of the school.

“C’mon Veronica, you know I try to be a good boy for you.” His voice was high-pitched and very little boy-esque. I laughed up into his face, which meant I wasn’t watching where I was going and bumped into someone.

I stopped to apologise, the words stumbling out of my mouth, as I blushed. The young man I bumped into laughed it off, smiling as Logan tried ineffectually to pull me away.

“Don’t worry ‘bout it superfly. No big, no bruises, no broken bones.” He smiled and I couldn’t help but notice the whiteness of his teeth against his dark skin. He has a beautiful smile.

“Veronica Mars.” I held out my hand for him to shake as Logan rolled his eyes.

“Wallace Fennel.” He shook my hand before gently dropping it, probably because of Logan’s scowl. “As you can probably tell it’s my first day here. I’m not quite sure what to make of the place. I’ve gotten lost more times than I can count today.” He laughed self-depreciatively before shaking his head.

“Look for us tomorrow at lunch. We’ll be in the quad, I’ll give you a tour.” I smiled and then laughed outright at the look on Logan’s face. “This is Logan, since he’s too rude to introduce himself. Logan Echolls.” I watched the recognition slide across Wallace’s face and smiled knowingly. “Of the Hollywood Echolls.” I said in my best snooty voice.

Wallace laughed; Logan scowled more, tugging on my hand, yet to say a word. Sometimes he could be so rude. “But I’ve got to be going, tomorrow, lunch, quad! Don’t forget!” I waved as Logan practically dragged me away.

“It wouldn’t kill you to be friendly once in awhile you know. He wouldn’t have given you cooties.” My voice sounded sterner than I’d meant it too, I smiled to soften the effect.

“For you? I’ll be friendly tomorrow, but today! Today we have plans!” Logan laughingly swung me up and around in his arms, spinning me around twice before setting me on my feet. “Get your cute little ass in the car, we have movies, and the sooner we get the movies and dinner over with, the sooner we get to the beach!” He practically shoved me in the door.

I was laughing so hard I could barely catch my breath. Sometimes Logan bordered on the ridiculous. His enthusiasm at times was absolutely over the top. It was one of the reasons I loved him.

Loved him. I paused, my laughter dying abruptly.

Oh shit.

**_Sudden realisations, they tend to knock your feet out from underneath you. Or your whole world, I’m not even sure how it happened. One second I was enjoying myself, hanging out and having a good time, and the next second? I was head over heals I love with Logan Echolls._ **

Logan got into the truck still smiling, but it faded away as he noticed the look on my face. “You okay Veronica?” His voice sounded concerned and unsure; obviously he wasn’t sure what had changed in his walk around the vehicle.

“I’m fine,” I hesitated for a moment before I said the only thing that came to mind, “I just remembered I have an essay due for AP English, I’ll work on it tonight.” I smiled, but I could tell it looked forced.

“That look came from an essay? I was sure you’d been told the world was ending tomorrow.” He tried to make light of the situation, making a joke like he always did. It didn’t lighten my mood.

I’m in love with Logan Echolls. I turned to stare at him as he started the vehicle, taking in his profile, the set to his jaw, and the line of his nose.

“See something you like?” He smirked as he turned to face me, meeting my eyes before putting the truck in gear and pulling out of the parking lot.

“Yes. As a matter of fact I do.” I smiled when he grinned before continuing. “See that cute guy over there, the one with the blonde highlights? He’s totally hot.” I managed to say it with such a straight face that Logan actually turned around to stare. I burst out laughing at the look on his face.

“You, you think you’re so cute don’t you.” His voice was gruff as he leaned over to kiss me lightly. He slowly pulled out of the parking lot, focusing on the road. “You sure I can’t convince you to change our plans? Do something other than movies before we have dinner with your parents?” He smiled that smile, the one that told me he was up too something.

“Not the beach, what else did you have in mind?” I smiled at him. There was no way I could tell him how I felt. Not now, not till things were settled between us.

“You’ll see Veronica. You’ll see.” I love it when he plays the mysterious card. Logan has a romantic streak as big as the Grand Canyon. It used to annoy Lilly to no end, but there was something about a guy that loved to keep you on your toes that had me smiling at odd times.

When we pulled up to the boardwalk I was slightly confused, even more so when Logan held my door open, helped me out, but led me in the opposite direction of the actual boardwalk.

“Where are we going?” I craned my head back to see the festival behind us.

“Here.” He stopped in front of a small store, no signs, just an address on the front door.

“Logan?” I asked questioningly, this was odd even for Logan.

He opened the front door, holding it open for me, and ushering me inside. The shop was small and intimate, a front desk, a vase of fresh flowers. The walls were white, the carpet was grey, and I still had absolutely no clue as to why we were here.

A tiny woman came from a concealed back room, stepping gracefully to the front desk, and smiling at Logan. “Mr. Echolls, you’re early. We weren’t expecting you until eight thirty.” Her smile was friendly; I could tell she dealt with difficult people on a regular basis.

“Some of our plans fell through Sandy, could you possibly fit us in now?” He smiled that charming smile and I could feel the room suddenly heat up a few degrees.

“As a matter of fact we can. Yours was the last appointment of the day. This way we can take care of you and then call it a day.” She smiled as she stood up; she finally turned towards me, extending her hand. “Cassandra Cruise,” she paused for a moment before smiling, “no relation to Tom Cruise.” We shook hands, my grip slightly unsure. I still had no idea what was going on.

Logan took my arm as he led me through the partition behind the desk; it wasn’t hidden at all, just an optical illusion, looking like one solid wall. We stepped into the back room, which had hard wood floors, and mirrors, hundreds of mirrors lining the walls.

Logan had taken me to a dance studio.

“Ballroom dancing, the dance of love, elegance, and style.” He smiled at my unsure gaze. “Mom’s having a soiree next month, formal, traditional dancing, I would be honoured if you would considering the invitation of attending as my guest.” He bowed low over my hand before smirking at me. “And this way, I won’t step on your toes and squash them into mush.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. This was probably the weirdest gift I’d ever received. “You’re not afraid I’d step on your toes?” I asked curiously.

“Nope. You weigh about as much as a mouse, if you step on my toes the worst you’ll do is get closer to me.” He grinned, laughing as I lightly smacked his arm.

Cassandra called us over and our first dance lesson commenced.

**_Dance lessons with Logan Echolls. Who would have thought? I mean, he’s not exactly the most social person, and to want to take me to a shindig his parents were throwing? That was a huge step. At this point I was still refusing to hope that he might love me. I knew he liked me, wanted me, but I wasn’t holding out for love._ **

**We danced, we laughed, and we stepped on each other’s toes. By the end of the night my toes were black and blue and I was threatening to buy steel-toed dancing shoes. Logan’s feet weren’t doing much better, for all his jokes about my weighing next to nothing; apparently stepping at the wrong moment could lead to severe bruising.**

**We barely made it back to my house in time for dinner.**


	16. Secrets (Part 16)

**_Dinner was supposed to be a quiet affair. Mom, Dad, Logan, and I all sitting around a table sharing a quiet meal, but that was before we walked through the door and my mom waved a manila envelope in my direction._ **

**_I’d gotten mail. The test to be exact. The results were in._ **

I stood frozen in the entry way as I looked at the envelope my mother held in her hands. Logan, having not expected me to stop so suddenly, bumped into my back. He wrapped his arms around me and placed a quick kiss on my shoulder.

“Move it, babe, traffic jams are so passé.” I could feel him smiling against my shoulder. I moved towards my mother, slow motion style, or maybe that was just in my head. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to read the results.

“Thanks Mom. Logan and I are going to be in my room. I’ll leave the door open.” I cut her off before she could make the request. I grabbed Logan’s hand and dragged him down the hallway into my room, glancing out before I shut the door slightly; just enough so that I’d have warning before one of my parents stepped through.

“Logan? I need you to be very, very quiet for a few minutes. This is important.” My eyes didn’t leave the envelope as I spoke to him. His arms slipped around my waist, holding me close, and I felt him nod against me. Logan didn’t say a word.

I tore the envelope open slowly, pulling the top sheet of paper out. I stared at it for a few minutes, the words blurring before my eyes, before I sagged against Logan.

“Um…” Logan trailed off as he read over my shoulder, “why did you need a paternity test Veronica? Something you’re not telling me?” He was still holding me gently against him, which was good, I wasn’t sure I had the strength to stand on my own.

“My mom had an affair with another man. Well technically the affair was with my father.” The words came out on a breathless rush; once the floodgates opened I couldn’t seem to stop them. “She was with Jake Kane. They’d been together on and off since high school, sweethearts. He was married to Celeste, but still kept my mom around, and then she met my dad. There wasn’t enough time between them. She wasn’t sure… and my dad didn’t care, so…” I trailed off into uncertainty as Logan went very still behind me.

“That’s why Duncan broke up with you? Because he thought…” Apparently Logan was capable of losing his voice, his trailed off into nothingness.

“Lilly told me, the day of the car wash, she’d over heard Celeste and Duncan talking, she felt I had the right to know.” I was starting to tremble now. Everything catching up to me in the matter of minutes, I hadn’t realised how much this was affecting me until now.

“So, are you disappointed?” Logan’s voice sounded unsure.

“What? That I’m not a Kane?” I asked questioningly, but I knew that’s not what Logan meant, he could be very transparent at times.

“Well yes, are you disappointed that you’re not a Kane? And… you and Duncan aren’t related, where does that…” He trailed off again, turning me in his arms so he could meet my eyes. I could see the worry there, a hint of fear. Logan Echolls was afraid of losing me.

“No, I’m not disappointed that I’m not a Kane. I’m relieved, the thought of… Duncan and I doing… and what it would have meant.” I shuddered visibly, Logan’s arms tightening around me. “I just, had to know.” I hugged him back, standing on tiptoes to place a gentle kiss on his mouth. “As for where that leaves us… right where we are. He broke up with me Logan, this doesn’t change anything.” I smiled at the relief on his face.

Logan pressed a kiss to my lips, teeth nibbling at my lower lip, before pulling away. He let out a loud whooping yell and spun me up in the air. If he kept this up I was going to toss my cookies one of these times.

“Veronica? You’ve never said, I mean, you’ve said you wanted to see what this could be, but you’ve never said, and I just want to, I mean if you’re…” Logan trailed off after a moment, before he seemed to visibly pull himself together. He took a deep breath, pushing me towards my bed. Bending down he slid to one knee in front of me.

My breath was caught in my throat. I was going to choke to death right here in my bedroom, on my own breath. Logan was on one knee in front of me, and he was reaching into his pocket, and oh my god I’m only sixteen years old, we both are! What does he think he’s doing!

His hand came away from his pocket with a slip of paper. “I had to write this down, cause I’m more liable to forget myself in the heat of the moment.” Logan unfolded the sheet of paper, scanning the contents quickly before he turned to look up at me.

“Veronica Mars, we’ve been ‘seeing’ each other for a few weeks now. There’s been ups, there’s been downs, there’s been misdirection, and I don’t want that to happen here. So I’m going to say this plainly so that even a four year old could understand. Veronica Mars,” he paused dramatically at this point, smirk lighting up his face, “would you be my girlfriend?” He unfolded his hand under mine and there in his palm was his science club pin from the sixth grade.

I burst out laughing, I couldn’t help it, trust Logan to pick the most romantic, idiotic way to ask me to be his girlfriend. “I’m not wearing that skeezy pin, and we’ll see about the girlfriend bit.” I grinned at him, winking when I saw his face start to fall.

“Hey, I figured you at least deserved a cheesy proposal.” He grinned at me, white teeth flashing, small lines appearing at the corners of his eyes. “Besides, I want to be able to say you’re mine, do you know how many guys I had to tell to back off this month? Even Casey wanted to ask you on a date!” He grumbled under his breath.

I took his hand gently in mine, staring into his eyes for a moment before I said seriously, “so if I’m your girlfriend, does this mean you’re going to help me with getting revenge on Dick?” I smirked when he burst into laughter.

“Of course! I’d already planned on it.” He rubbed his hands together in glee; there was no other word to describe it.

“You know, honey,” my voice gave honey a sarcastic lilt, “with my evil genius and your brute strength? We’ll be unstoppable.” I grinned wider as he laughed outright, falling off his knee to slide to the floor. Logan’s hand wrapped around my ankle, tugging gently, then harder until I fell from the bed, laughing and giggling on top of him.

“I’m counting on it Veronica. I’m counting on it.”

**_Logan asked me out in the most ridiculous way, I still remember the way he looked, down on one knee. I admit, I panicked; I seriously thought he was proposing. It’s kind of sweet the way he needed to write his little speech down. I’ve gotten quite used to it actually, anytime he has something seriously important to say, he’ll jot it down, so that he doesn’t forget, losing himself in the heat of the moment._ **

**_I’d learned my paternity. I was officially a Mars. I had a brilliant idea, or at least an idea that I thought was brilliant. The Kane's, with the exception of Lilly, didn’t need to know. Duncan didn’t deserve the courtesy and neither did Jake and Celeste, they’d never bothered to find out before, why should it matter now._ **

The plan was set for the following Friday. Dick was going to get what was coming to him, in front of the whole school. Logan and I had been planning, organizing, our time together fraught with evil manic laughter, as well as a few very bad Mr. Burns impersonations.

Logan was down right scary when he was plotting with manic glee. I’d had to take a step back, more than once, patting him on the arm until the fire disappeared from his eyes. I also had the feeling that this wouldn’t be the only time Dick paid. This was only the beginning if Logan’s reaction was anything to go by.

Apparently you weren’t supposed to drug the girl that Logan had an interest in. Dick should have known better, but apparently he liked to live dangerously, which was obvious when he took his life into his own hands.

“Whatcha doin?” Logan’s voice sounded from behind me, making me jump. The boy moved like a cat, silent and stealthy, constantly scaring the crap out of me when I least expected it.

“Plotting world domination and you?” I snarked. Sometimes Logan asked the stupidest questions. “I’m putting my books away so I can go and each lunch.” I rolled my eyes.

“Ah! Lunch in the quad with the common folk, let’s go princess.” He held out his arm for me to take and I couldn’t help but laugh at his ridiculousness. “Remember, dance lesson tonight, Sandy won’t be impressed if we’re late again.” He smiled and rolled his eyes.

“Why do you call her Sandy anyway? I thought her name was Cassandra.” I was a bit puzzled at Logan’s causal use of the name Sandy, and the way that Cassandra never batted an eyelash.

“It’s a secret.” Logan mimed zipping his lips and I hit him gently on the arm.

“Should I be jealous?” I asked sweetly, laughing at the gleam that appeared in Logan’s eyes.

“Nope. Truth be told, Sandy is a cousin of sorts, married to one of my other cousins for a brief stint years ago. When I wanted to sign us up for dance lessons for Mom’s party, I couldn’t think of a better person to call.” He smiled and pulled me closer for a brief hug.

“What’s with the shop? I mean, no sign, no number… you can’t even tell it’s a dance studio from the outside.” My curiosity was getting the better of me, as usual.

“That’s kind of the point. Sandy caters to the rich and elite, promises total anonymity so her clients can have two left feet, trip all over each other, and not be photographed by the paparazzi.” He grinned at me. “Something I’m sure you appreciate.” Logan winked at me, before laughing at my sour look.

We’d made it to the quad just as the pizza guy showed up, Logan quickly paid for our lunch before setting the box on the table. I looked up to see Wallace hesitantly making his way over.

“Hey Wallace! Over here,” I scooted over to let him sit on the other side of me, the side usually reserved for Lilly. She’d understand just this once.

Lilly showed up a moment later and looked about ready to blow a gasket that someone was sitting in her place, I broke in quickly before she could alienate my new friend.

“Lilly? This is Wallace Fennel. It’s his second day here at Neptune High, and you are going to play nice and be a good girl, for a change.” I smiled at her and tilted my head. I’m still amazed how well the head tilt works, even on Lilly, it usually got me whatever I wanted. Logan was especially susceptible to my ploy, caving loudly and for all to hear.

Lilly looked at me for a moment, eyes inscrutable before she turned to Wallace. “Hello Wallace. I’m Lilly Kane, as you’ve no doubt heard all about me I won’t give you details. You’re welcome to sit here anytime, just not there. My spot, so scoot over.” She smiled winningly and I could see Wallace blushing, another one bites the dust thanks to Lilly Kane.

“Nice to meet you. So question?” He raised his eyebrows at me not bothering to move over for Lilly. “I’ve been learning the social structure here at Neptune, Jocks, Cheerleaders, 09ers, and then everybody else. What did I do to be welcomed at the exclusive 09er table?” He smiled as he said it but I could see the wariness in his eyes.

“You met me.” I smiled, Logan laughed as he slung his arm tighter around my shoulders, Lilly was scowling now. “Okay that sounded more conceited than I meant it to. I must be hanging out with Logan too much.” I smirked at his indignant squawk. I patted Logan’s arm gently before focusing my attention once again on Wallace.

Lilly, being Lilly and not liking to be ignored for any length of time, came around to our side of the table and plopped herself down in Wallace’s lap. That was one way of getting her seat back.

“Oh! You’re comfy, I take it back, you sit here every day and I’ll just sit on you.” Lilly grinned her feline smile at Wallace, and I could see him mentally check himself. He pushed her gently off his lap and moved over a place like she’d originally asked.

“Hey superfly, no need to get cozy. Hot blondes are great and all, but you’re not really my type.” He winked at Lilly, before smiling a wide smile at her indignant look.

“Not your type? I’ll have you know Lilly Kane is every boy’s ‘type’.” She smiled again, but her smile quickly turned to a frown as she heard the ‘Not Mine’s’ being chorused around the table.

“Whatever.” She turned towards me, quickly brushing the comments from her mind, “So Veronica Mars, we are getting together on Friday right?” She smiled again, but I could see the touch of mischief clinging to the corners of her lips.

“Can’t on Friday, Lilly, you know that. There’s that big surf competition, and I promised Logan I’d go with him. Heck, half the school is going to be there.” I turned back towards Wallace, smiling as Lilly’s giggles were barely muffled by her hand, “So how’s about it Wallace? You up for a little sand and surf?” I grinned when he nodded slowly.

“Sounds good.”

We easily slipped into conversation, Logan, Lilly, Wallace, and I, excluding most of the others as we chatted, before I knew it lunch hour was over and it was time to head back to class.

Logan walked me to my first class of the afternoon, kissing my forehead before slowly pivoting away, “I’ll pick you up at your last class of the day, we’ll go straight to the studio.” He did a little finger wave and he was gone.

**_Logan and I had filled Lilly in on the plan to get even with Dick. Lilly of course was all for it, even adding her own brand of justice._ **

**Wallace was great, he stood up to Lilly, still does actually, calls her on her bullshit, Lilly for her part has never been able to figure out what to make of him. Logan and I had been dating officially for about three days. Three whole days and nothing had gone wrong, I should have known it was too good to last.**


	17. Secrets (Part 17)

**_Friday turned out to be a beautiful day, just as we’d hoped. The whole thing was so elaborate, so well planned, that even bad weather would have thrown the whole thing off._ **

**_Thank God for small miracles. Dick had returned to school the day before, and while he never did anything overt, when I walked into school that Friday morning, Slut was spray painted across my locker. Logan absolutely freaked when he saw it._ **

**_I’ll be the first to admit I don’t think Dick’s the brightest crayon in the box, but I never took him for down right suicidal. Spray-painting Logan’s girlfriend’s locker? That was an act of absolute stupidity, which is probably why Logan stepped the revenge plan up a notch._ **

The weather was absolutely beautiful, the waves were high, a perfect day for the Surf competition currently taking place at Dog Beach. Dick was number forty-three on today’s roster, so we had awhile to wait.

Everyone was here, the entire school having been let out early because of the competition. Well okay not everyone was here, I didn’t see Weevil in the crowd, but anyone who was important to Dick was here, which was the point. Everyone would see him fall.

Logan and Lilly sat on towels beside me, Lilly in a bikini and Logan in board shorts. We were all slathered in sunscreen, as were most of the people here today. The sun was beating harshly down on us, even without moving we were all sweating profusely. Logan moved closer to me, offering me his bottle of water as we watched the competitors.

“You ready for this? He’s up soon.” Logan’s voice was quiet, barely a whisper next to my ear, lips brushing the shell, sending shivers down my spine.

“I’m ready.” I spoke quietly. I turned towards him and pressed our lips together. Kissing Logan would never get old.

“Showtime.” He smiled softly, brushing my hair back from my face, before slowly getting to his feet. He made his way towards the judges, not hurrying, taking his own sweet time, couldn’t have anyone getting suspicious.

I knew what he was telling them, that Dick had been suspended from school for drug use. He was a chronic drug user, GHB, and he’d test positive for pretty much any drug they cared to test him for. The judges were conferring, and I could see when they decided to pull Dick’s entry.

Of course we planned it right down to the last second. Dick was already in the water and they couldn’t call him out of the water. He’d surf his wave, do his best, and still be disqualified, pending a drug test of course.

That was only the beginning. I watched eagerly as Dick tried to get his feet under him on the board. The wax apparently wasn’t working so well, as his foot went out from underneath him, sliding awkwardly off the side of the board. Dick fell forward, smashing his nose on the board, before tumbling into the water.

Poor Dick looks like his pretty face wouldn’t be the same. The big thing I learned in chemistry class this week? A hair shampoo for punk rockers with the three-foot Mohawks, eraser, the chemical properties dissolved wax, but only when wet. Slather the stuff on a surf board, let it dry and it wouldn’t feel any different than the regular board, right up until the point it got wet and ate the wax away.

Dick had just been the recipient of a rather nasty practical joke. They hauled him out of the water; his nose was bleeding rather profusely, split across the bridge from where he’d landed. He’d also managed to break his board somehow, which was more than I’d hoped for.

I stood up and started clapping, that performance was a perfect ten in my opinion. I waited, the timing had to be perfect, before I slowly lifted my hair off the back of my neck. It was the signal.

I watched Seth come rushing forward towards Dick, flapping his hands, and wiping tears from his cheeks. The one thing I could say for sure about Seth, he was one hell of an actor. I watched as he threw himself at Dick, wrapping his arms around him before his loud voice reached me.

“Oh my god Sweetheart! Are you okay? Look at your beautiful face! Oh honey!” Seth babbled on pressing kisses over Dick’s stunned face. Dick’s hands came up, presumably to push Seth away.

The shocking part came next, shocking even me; I stood in stunned disbelief as Seth kissed Dick straight on the mouth. Lips pressed to lips, and Dick? Dick wasn’t moving away. Dick’s hands were tightening on Seth’s shoulders. Dick was pulling Seth closer. My mouth fell open. Dick was pulling Seth closer, where was the freak out? Where was the… and there it was.

Dick quickly shoved Seth away, staring at him for a moment, before wiping his mouth slowly, his eyes lit up with a slow burn. It was an absolutely beautiful start to my Friday.

Dick ignored Seth where he had fallen as Seth babbled on about their secret, how he knew that he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone, but he was just so concerned. If I didn’t know better I would have said that Dick and Seth were carrying on a secret affair.

Dick moved towards the first aid table, set up for accidents such as this. I nodded to Amanda who was working the booth; she nodded quickly back, before going quickly to work on Dick’s nose.

I could hear him cursing from here. She’d apparently used iodine for infection and super glue to keep the wound closed until he could see his family doctor. She gave him two pills and told him they were for the pain.

Good old trusting Dick. He took them dry, swallowing them down, before lying down on the cot provided. In less than an hour Dick would be out cold and the real fun could begin.

**_Drugging Dick? Best idea we’ve ever had. Well, the best idea Logan’s ever had. Poetic justice if you ask me. I remember feeling guilty over these tactics, promising myself if we pulled this off I’d never drink again, I’d never do anything wrong, I’d be a good girl from now on and avoid parties. Then I remembered I was sort of dating Logan and those promises flew right out the window._ **

**_The board had been my idea; the drugging was Logan’s and what came next? Was all Lilly._ **

We managed to get Dick into the back of Seth’s van without too much trouble. No one even mentioned us carrying the still unconscious Dick across the sand, everyone turning a blind eye. We dumped him in the back, Logan climbing in behind him; I hurried around to the front to climb into the passenger seat beside Seth.

“You know where the Casablancas place is?” Seth nodded and we were on our way. Lilly was meeting us there, she’d left when Dick had fallen to meet up with Beaver and set up the last part of our day of revenge.

Beaver was waiting for us at the gate, quickly jumping in the back with Logan for the drive up to the house. We once again struggled to carry Dick into the house. Mr. Casablancas was out of town on his honeymoon, having just married Mrs. C number six. Kendall was a former Laker girl and was making life in the Casablancas home very, very difficult.

“Dick should really lay off the junk food, his tubby ass is going to weigh three hundred pounds by the time he’s thirty.” Logan wheezed as he struggled under Dick’s weight. Beaver came around the other side, hauling Dick up by the back of his shorts, taking some of the weight off of Logan’s arms.

“You should try doing this alone when you’re half tanked yourself.” Beaver laughed, as they struggled to get him up the stairs.

They finally managed to get him up the stairs and into his bed, pulling off his board shorts, only to find he wasn’t wearing any underwear. That made things a whole lot simpler. Seth not being shy stripped off his clothes and climbed into bed with Dick.

“Just make sure you don’t shoot my face, I could be famous some day and I don’t want this coming back to haunt me.” He smiled before burying his face in the crook of Dick’s neck, their bodies twined together.

“Something’s not… quite right.” I stared at them for a few minutes, before I carefully arranged Dick’s legs so that one of them was between Seth’s, grabbing one of his arms, I flopped it over top of Seth’s back, resting Dick’s hand on the curve of Seth’s ass. Perfect. “Perfect!” I quickly began snapping photo’s from different angles.

“Done!” I said after a few minutes. Seth quickly got up from the bed, putting his clothes on quickly. “Hurry up guys, I want to head home and shower, maybe for a couple of days, just being near that jerk makes me feel dirty.” He paused for a moment before smirking, “and not in the fun ‘I’m such a bad boy’ kind of way.” Laughing he made his way out of the bedroom leaving Logan and I alone with Dick.

“You sure about this? We can stop it now.” Logan looked at me and the sincerity in his eyes made my stomach hurt. He was so earnest in wanting to protect my sensibilities.

“You really think you could stop Lilly once she gets an idea in her head?” I laughed out right. Logan must think he’s got super powers to be able to stop Lilly when she has her mind set on something.

“You two can leave the room for a few minutes. It’s my turn.” Lilly stood leaning against the doorway, a bottle of wine in one hand, and a bottle of lube in the other. I got a sudden flash of what she had planned.

“No Lilly. You can’t do THAT.” I moved towards her, but she turned her cold hard stare on me.

“Think about it Veronica Mars. If Dick had managed to get you alone, even for five minutes, drugged and unconscious, what would he have done? I was drugged that night too, it’s my right, he’s got to pay, and he’s got to learn not to do that kind of shit. This way he’ll know what it feels like.” Her evil smile made an appearance and I felt Logan shudder next to me. Lilly was very, very scary.

“We’ll meet you downstairs.” I nodded at her and grabbed Logan’s hand, practically dragging him from the room.

“We’re not really going to let her do that to Dick are we?” He sounded confused, a little lost, but the disgust came across clear in his voice.

“She’s right Logan. If he doesn’t learn his lesson now, he’s never going too. I couldn’t live with myself if that happened to someone else. I just couldn’t.” He pulled me closer, hugging me tight as I buried my face in his shirt, breathing in his scent.

“What did you want to do when this is all over?” Logan’s voice was muffled against my hair, I could feel the vibrations of his voice against my scalp and it made me shiver.

“Alone time. I just want to be somewhere no one else is.” He stiffened slightly and I quickly amended my statement. “No one else but you.” He relaxed against me, smiling into my hair.

“Sounds good. We’ll ditch the rest of the gang and go do the you and me thing. One of these days you’re going to give me an answer on wearing my pin.” He was mock serious, but I could hear the underlying doubt in his voice. He still wasn’t sure I wasn’t trying to be just like Lilly.

Lilly slowly stepped from the room, a self-satisfied smile on her face. She held the bottle of wine in her hands, but the lube was missing, left behind as evidence. “Done and Doner. Let’s get out of here.” She sashayed away from us, and I couldn’t help but shake my head. Lilly, Lilly wasn’t afraid of anything.

**_Revenge had its purposes, I felt better for the whole thing, and I managed not to feel guilty at all for leaving Dick alone with Lilly. He really did deserve it._ **

**Logan and I got our alone time. Needless to say, once again, I got more than I bargained for.**


	18. Secrets (Part 18)

**_The joke was definitely on Dick. I still can’t believe that Lilly did what she did. I mean a wine bottle? And the truly scary part was that Lilly kept the wine bottle. She had plans for it. Ulterior motives. Lilly had a plan. All I could remember thinking was, ‘oh lord help us all.’_ **

**_Logan of course didn’t do what I’d expected. We went in the opposite direction of my house. He had a surprise for me, and oh boy what a surprise._ **

“Where are we going?” I could hear the uncertainty in my voice as we turned the corner heading away from my house.

“You’ll see.” Logan had a small smirk playing around the edges of his lips, he shot me a look, then blew me a kiss and I couldn’t help myself. I giggled.

I knew about half way to our destination where we were going. Logan’s house, it was the only thing in this direction.

“Your house? That’s the big surprise?” I put a little bit of pique into my voice, pretending to be annoyed.

“Well, my pool house to be exact. No disturbances.” Logan leered at me and I felt my heart start to race. I’d been thinking about the back seat of the Xterra for, far too long.

“Oh really? What type of girl do you think I am Logan?” I laughed outright at the look on his face.

“I thought we’d hold hands and cuddle, talk, you know, all the girly stuff you girls seem to love. Where is your mind Veronica Mars?” he snarked at me.

“In your pants?” I questioned sweetly causing him to choke on the air he was trying to breathe. Score one for me!

Logan parked the Xterra and we both got out. He came around to my side of the vehicle and grabbed my hand, kissing me softly before leading me towards the back of the house. I saw the pool house first and my heart sped up. We were moving towards something, something more, something I might actually remember tomorrow.

Showtime.

We were barely through the door before he had me pressed up against the wall, hands on my shoulders, lips pressed to mine as he kissed the breath from me. His tongue parted my lips with ease and I was lost. Lost in the feel of his lips on mine, his hands massaging my shoulders, the press of his hard body against mine as he ground against me.

I could feel his hardness pressing against me, digging into my abdomen as he thrust, he wanted me, wanted all of me. I couldn’t stop the moan surging up from my chest, breaking against his lips like a wave crashing on the rocks. Hard, merciless, helpless to resist, I was drawn into him, moaning against his mouth as his hand moved down to cup my breast, fingers tweaking my nipple.

I arched against him, pressing my groin against his leg, trying to get some friction, I pressed harder and he pulled away. I blinked hazy eyes up into his smiling ones, I couldn’t understand why he’d pulled away.

“There’s a bed right over there, think we should move? Get more comfortable?” He smiled a bit as the annoyance crept across my features. I reached my hands up to pull him back down to me, but he laughed and danced away. “Bed, comfy, snuggling!” He laughed, grabbing my hands and pulling me reluctantly away from the wall.

Logan spun us around, twirling me until I was laughing and dizzy, pressing his lips to mine, resting our foreheads together a moment later. “I love the way you laugh.”

Before I had a chance to respond, he pressed me back against the bed, settling over me, face serious. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. You can set the pace.” He smiled gently as I felt myself relax. I hadn’t even realised I’d tensed up.

I grinned, pressing my hands against his shoulders, pushing him away, disappointment flashed across his face as he moved away, but I kept pushing, my hands on his shoulders, laying him back across the bed. I climbed into his lap, settling against his groin, against the hardness I felt there. “Here’s good.” I laughed into his mouth as I kissed him again, feeling his smile against my lips.

I wasn’t quite sure what I was doing, I didn’t remember the first time, had nothing but our fumbling sessions in the back of the Xterra to go on. I fought hard to not just blurt out the truth, that I didn’t remember our night together. I didn’t want to hurt Logan’s feelings.

I ground down as he thrust up, my mind going black at the white-hot arc of pleasure snaking through me, taking my breath away. My fingers fumbled at the buttons of his shirt for a minute before he gently brushed my hands away, undoing the buttons slowly, Logan kept his eyes fixed on mine as he shrugged the shirt off.

I burst out laughing at the smirk on his face. “That one too.” I pointed to the t-shirt he’d been wearing underneath. Smug bastard. His laughter wrapped around me as he tugged the shirt off, and I was now sitting in the lap of a half naked Logan.

“Turn about is fair play Sugarpuss.” I could feel his hands tugging at the bottom hem of my shirt. Turn about was definitely fair play. I slapped his hands away, giving him a smug look of my own. I cross my arms and pulled the shirt quickly over my head, revealing my white lace bra. Logan’s hand came up, one finger trailing down the soft curve of my breast, “That one too.” He smirked at me.

My hands shook as I reached behind me to remove my bra. I was now half naked sitting on a half naked Logan. I felt the blush creeping across my face, down my throat, taking up residence across my breasts. I felt hotter as Logan’s eyes travelled downwards with the slowly spreading redness, ending up on my breasts.

I could feel my nipples hardening under his gaze. The flush on my skin got deeper and I couldn’t help myself, I brought my hands up to cover my breasts, the embarrassment taking over.

Logan grabbed my hands and shook his head. “No, please don’t, you’re beautiful.” The hushed tone of his voice almost making me feel like it was true.

“Small breasts and all?” I couldn’t help but ask. I looked nothing like Lilly. I don’t think I ever will.

Finally tearing his gaze away from my chest he met my eyes, a slow smile sneaking across his features, “They’re perfect. You’re perfect.”

I yelped in surprise as he flipped me over, settling on top of me. “I know I said you could control the pace, but,” he cut himself off as he lowered his head to my chest, taking one of my nipples into his mouth. White light flashed behind my fluttering eyelids. I love the way his mouth feels on me.

He scraped his teeth gently over my nipple and I was flying. Frantically pushing at him, his jeans, my jeans, our clothes disappearing in a matter of seconds. I gasped as I felt him slide harshly against me, slick steel against my wet opening. My head flew back and I was ready.

Ready for more, ready to remember. I opened my eyes and met Logan’s intent gaze. “Condom?”

“Veronica we don’t, I mean, I know, we… are you sure?” His voice was choked, hesitant as his fingers slid against the side of my face brushing my hair off my forehead.

“Condom.” I said more sure now, not answering his question.

Logan moved away, fumbling in the bedside drawer, finally coming back towards me with a foil package in his fingers. He tore it open with his teeth, his eyes never leaving mine, one hand slipping down between us.

“That’s talent, being able to put a condom on one handed.” I joked weakly. I could barely breathe as I felt his erection nudge gently at my opening.

Our eyes were locked as he began to slowly slide inside, words lost in that moment. He took a deep breath and kissed me, thrusting harshly inside.

I arched my back as the pain lanced through me, agony radiating up from my groin.

“It’ll only hurt for a minute sweetheart, breathe through the pain.” He kissed my lips as my mouth gaped open in shock.

**_Imagine my surprise. Having sex with my almost boyfriend, thinking I wasn’t a virgin anymore, and finding out differently._ **

**I did some research after that, on GHB and its side effects. One of the most common being sore abdominal muscles and urinary tract infections. I felt stupid, idiotic, foolish for believing Logan could have slept with me in the state I was in at Shelly Pomroy’s party.**

**I should have known Logan would never do something like that. I’m just glad it didn’t ruin everything.**


	19. Secrets (Part 19)

_**I can still remember how gentle he was. Arms trembling, body held still so he wouldn’t hurt me, and all I could do was lay there frozen in shock. I admit he handled it better than you would expect. Logan’s constantly surprising me, there’s a depth to him most people don’t get to see.** _

His breath panted hot in my ear, as I lay frozen. We hadn’t slept together at Shelly’s party. We hadn’t had sex. I was still a virgin, or at least I was up until two minutes ago.

I ached, not really pain, just a dull ache that burned, throbbed, prompted me to wiggle just a little to ease the sensation. I felt Logan groan, hips thrusting as he lost what little bit of control he was retaining.

Logan whispered softly against my ear, “I’m sorry,” and he was moving, slowly thrusting out, before gently pushing back in, mindful of my discomfort.

My vision went white, as he pressed deeper, entered me fully. I hadn’t realised he wasn’t all the way in. He was still whispering, over and over repeating I’m sorry as he moved, bucking against me, still soft, gentle, tender, fingers stroking my shoulders as he held me close.

I felt him press away from me; upper body lifting, and I couldn’t stop my hands from clutching at him, trying to pull him closer. Lips pressing to mine, he kissed me tenderly as he continued to thrust, tenderly; I knew he didn’t want to hurt me. He’d been harsher with his fingers, thrusting deep, hard, hitting that spot that made me keen with pleasure.

“More,” I whispered against his lips and he pulled back, I could see the uncertainty on his face as his eyes searched mine. Whatever he found there seemed to reassure him because he pulled me closer, pressing a fast hard kiss to my lips before burying his face in the crook of my neck.

Then he thrust, hard, deep, harder still, and I couldn’t think at all. It hurt, I could feel the pain in brief flashes as moved faster, pounding into me as his breath beat against my shoulder, panting on each inward motion, tandem, I couldn’t breathe at all.

My hair is sticking to my forehead in wispy little strands, making my skin itch. Logan’s abdomen is slick with sweat as he moves over me, in me, slick and sliding against me, I’m so lost in him, in the feel of him. My nipples ache, they’re hard and peaked, rubbing against the coarse hair on his chest, making them burn with every motion of his body. I feel like I’m burning alive.

“God Veronica,” his voice stutters out as he slows his pace down, building us higher. I’m still clutching at him, wanton, I know I’m going to be embarrassed about it the moment we’re done but I can’t bring myself to care right now.

“No,” I moan out, I’m aching for more, anything, all of it, all of him. “Harder Logan, please.” My voice breaks on a breathless sob as he complies, his lips finding mine, face tense and straining as he struggles to last, struggles to hold on.

I can feel his hands moving down my body and I’m not sure… oh. He’s, his fingers are… oh. My back is arching without my permission, arching against him as I’m flying free, away, Logan’s gone, there’s nothing now but the sensations pounding through me and I’m lost in it, gone, away.

In the distance I can hear his groan, feel him stiffen against me as he orgasms into the latex covering him. I want to feel it, feel him coming with me, but I’m too lost in the sensation, too lost in the feel of my own body spinning out of control.

**_We’ve had sex a couple thousand times since, but that first time? I actually lost consciousness. I was totally gone. I knew I loved him before, but I wasn’t sure how he felt about me. Sometimes I’m still not sure. I mean sure, I know he likes me, obviously, and he tells me all the time he loves me. But there’s this look he gets sometimes, when we’re together, in that way, you know sexually, he gets this look in his eye, on his face that tells me he’s not there with me. I know it could just be the heat of the moment, but… I can’t help but wonder if he’s thinking of someone else._ **

**_I know. Shut up Veronica, he loves you, it’s obvious, or at least that’s what Lilly tells me all the time. But following someone like Lilly, she’s a tough act to follow._ **

I awoke a short time later, wrapped in Logan’s arms. I couldn’t help myself; I blushed from the roots of my hair to the tips of my toes. I moved closer, inhaling his scent, noticing that he smelt vaguely of me.

“You smell like me.” I whispered into his skin. My blushed deepened as I realised the inanity of that comment.

“I should.” Logan was smiling down at me, shifting me so he could reach my lips. He kissed me tenderly, softly, the most gentle kiss he’d bestowed on me so far in our short almost relationship.

“Now explain. Why the frozen look? It didn’t hurt that much did it?” He looked concerned, fear lighting his features.

I should have known Logan would catch that. No matter what anyone says, the boy is sharp, missing very little of what goes on around him.

“I thought…” I trailed off, unsure of how to continue.

“You thought what? Veronica?” He looked really worried now, and I took a deep breath to fortify myself before telling him the truth.

“I thought we’d slept together at Shelly’s party.” I closed my eyes, humiliated for even thinking such a thing. I knew better. Logan wouldn’t take advantage of an unconscious girl.

“You… WHAT?” His voice broke over me and I nodded slowly, keeping my eyes closed. “Why would you think that Veronica? What… I mean, why?” His voice stuttered out and around me, I could feel his heart beating at a fast pace against me.

Logan was angry.

I tried to move away, but he pulled me closer, brushing his hand across my forehead, moving my hair away from my sweaty face.

“Why would you think I could do something like that?” His voice was softer this time, and I relaxed into his arms.

“I woke up, we were together, and I was sore. I… I guess I jumped to conclusions.” My voice sounded so little even to me. I’d been such an idiot.

“Do you really think I could do something like that? Is that what you think of me?” I could hear the hurt in his voice now, my eyes popping open to meet his confused expression.

“NO! Logan, I’m sorry, I… it’s just the situation; I don’t think you’re like that. I wouldn’t be here now if I thought you were like that.” I smiled tentatively but the hurt was still there, shining brightly as he stared down at me.

“I would never hurt you, Veronica Mars, not when all I want to do is protect you. I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt you.” His voice was soft, sincere, and I felt ten shades of worse.

“I’m sorry Logan. I should have known, even then. I shouldn’t have panicked.” Remorse stained the words as they left my mouth. I couldn’t tear my gaze away from his.

“Yes you should have, but we have time to work on those trust issues, yes?” He smiled tentatively, leaning down to place a soft kiss on my lips. “Does this mean you’ll wear my pin now?” He grinned cockily, making a joke to ease the moment.

“I don’t know…” I said hesitantly, closing my eyes as if to consider.

“Veronica Mars! Don’t tell me you’re one of those girls! You know…” he leaned closer and whispered, “an easy one?” He smirked as I tried to hit his shoulder, easily holding me down as he kissed me harder.

“I told you, the pin is gaudy.” I laughed at the mock outraged look on his face. My smile slipped for a moment and I couldn’t help but ask, “So we’re okay now?”

“No. Not by a long shot, but we could be.” Logan didn’t hesitate with his answer, placing another soft kiss on my lips before he bounded out of the bed. His body was practically shaking with excitement. “Get up! I have to go rent a billboard.”

I stared at him confused for a moment before my curiosity got the better of me. “Billboard?” I questioned.

“Yep! Announcing to Neptune that one Veronica Mars has consented to being my girlfriend.” He grinned cheekily, before hauling me to my feet.

Life would never be boring with Logan.

“Don’t you dare!” Laughter rippled from my throat as I started pulling on my clothes. “My Dad would throw a fit.”

“Which reminds me! We have a dance lesson in an hour, and then dinner with your parents.” He smiled at my confused look. We weren’t supposed to have dinner with my parents till Monday. “I phoned your Dad earlier today, asked if we could do dinner tonight instead of Monday. They’re expecting us at seven.”

“Why today instead of Monday?” I couldn’t remember if we’d made any plans for Monday, other than plastering the hallway with the nude photos of Dick and Seth.

“Monday is a surprise, which I already had approved by both your mother and your father. So get moving!” He clapped his hands before grabbing me and swinging me up in his arms. Wet lips descended on mine and he buzzed me quickly on the mouth, laughing as I pulled away in disgust.

“EW! You spit all over my… never mind.” I laughed as he arched an eyebrow. I had his saliva in a few more interesting places now. Hopefully we could fit in a shower before the lesson.

_**Things could have gone so much worse. He could have hated me for not trusting him that much, for thinking that he would take advantage of me in that situation. Sweet, trusting, Logan, or you know, not.** _

Dinner was an easy affair, full of light banter and laughter. Logan had managed to find time for a shower after our dancing lesson. Dropping me off at home to shower and change a full hour before dinner, promising he’d be back in time. He’d made it, barely.

We were sitting in the living room, Logan, Mom, and I on the couch, my Dad in the easy chair, watching some stupid made for T.V. movie. I couldn’t concentrate, I kept thinking about the test results sitting in my room. How I haven’t told my Dad yet, how now would be the perfect time, except it wouldn’t because of Logan. But I could hand Dad the results and not say what they were, he couldn’t yell at me for doing the test early, not in front of Logan, at least I hoped he wouldn’t yell at me in front of Logan.

I squeezed Logan’s hand gently and got up, heading towards my bedroom, towards the papers that confirmed I was a Mars. I took a deep fortifying breath as I headed back out into the living room, papers clutched in my hand. I wordlessly handed them to my Dad.

“What’s this? Another A from my genius daughter?” Dad laughed at me, face only turning serious when he saw my sober expression. He glanced down at the papers, his eyes shooting up to mine, shock, anger, and relief warring for dominance across his face. “How?” Everyone else in the room was forgotten.

“I couldn’t wait. I had to know, so I ordered an online test.” My voice was breathless, waiting for his reaction.

A loud whoop of joy made me start in fright, Dad leapt out of his seat swinging me into his arms and spinning me around until I was dizzy. We both laughed, he was kissing my cheeks and hugging me so hard I could barely breathe.

“Someone going to share the good news?” Mom’s voice broke into our celebration and Dad finally let me go, practically flinging the papers at my mother. Logan’s eyes met mine in confusion and I shook my head, letting him know I’d tell him later.

Mom’s joyous shouts joined my Dad’s and they hugged, before turning to me, hugging me close.

I looked up in time to see the front door close as Logan headed out into the night. I kissed both my parents on the cheeks before rushing after him.

“Logan!” My voice came out shrill, hurting my own ears, but it made him pause on my front walk, turning slowly around to face me.

“You didn’t have to do that while I was here.” His voice was gruff; he’d known exactly what was in the papers I’d handed to my Dad.

“I know, I’m sorry, I just… I didn’t want him to yell.” I smiled at him as he walked closer to me.

“You should be in there with them celebrating.” He smiled as he finally reached me, pressing his lips softly to my forehead, arms coming around me to hold me close.

“And you should come back with me. I want to celebrate with my two favourite men.” I smiled up into his face, and pressed our lips together. Soft, sweet, chaste kiss, before tugging him after me. “I’m thinking sundaes all around.” I laughed at his horrified expression.

“Oh god, I won’t be able to eat anything for a week if I try to keep up with you!” I swatted at him, but he easily dodged me. “I’m kidding. Are you sure Veronica?” He stopped for a moment, pulling on my hand to stop our forward momentum.

“I’m sure.” I smiled softly before tugging again.

“Favourite men huh?” He laughed as he followed me back into the house.

__**It could have been a disaster telling my father in front of Logan. It wasn’t. I hadn’t seen my father smile that brightly in a long time. We were almost like a family. Happy, carefree, eating ice cream with fattening toppings. I can still picture the surprise on Logan’s face when we sat down to eat our Sundae’s like a family. I could tell he wasn’t used to the togetherness my family shared.**

**Life? Was finally looking up. I had Logan, I was officially a Mars, and Duncan had started dating a girl named Meg. Things were almost normal again.**


	20. Secrets (Part 20)

**_Monday had the potential to be a raging disaster. Logan and I had printed out the pictures on my brand new photo printer. They’d turned out better than we’d hoped. The hallway at school looked like it had brand new wallpaper, right up until you looked closely and saw Seth’s naked ass, and Dicks sleeping face._ **

**_Poor little Dick, I think we may have broken him._ **

The howling laughter echoed down the hallway, looks like the entire school had now seen the photographs. After Dick’s performance on Friday during the Seth kiss, and then the subsequent knocking Seth to the ground, it was a logical conclusion most of the student body came too.

They were obviously witnessing a lover’s spat. Complete with over the top dramatics, and blackmail material. Ah the soap opera that was Neptune High.

We all waited in anticipation, Dick hadn’t shown up to school yet. I held my breath when I saw Beaver walk through the front doors and gripped Logan’s hand harder. This was it. The moment we’d been waiting for.

Dick walked through the doors like he owned the place. Anyone who didn’t know him probably wouldn’t have noticed his walk. The slight awkward way he was moving down the hall. I could see the moment he noticed the pictures. Noticed the stares being directed in his direction. Anger flashed across his face, then mortification, then a pure unadulterated rage.

He was playing the part perfectly, like he’d read the script before hand. I knew Dick could be trusted to be predictable.

Heading in my direction, I felt Logan grip my hand harder, letting me know he was there for support during this confrontation.

“You BITCH!” Dick screamed. I didn’t even flinch. I actually shocked myself at the cool I was maintaining.

I arched my eyebrow, a patented Logan smirk turning up the corner of my mouth, as I waited for him to say more.

“You did this! You… you…” Dick’s words stuttered to a stop as his face turned bright red, a vein started throbbing in his temple.

“Careful Dick, you wouldn’t want to strain your vocabulary.” I mocked; the vein in his head was totally fascinating. The angrier he got the faster it beat.

“You CUNT!” I could feel Logan tense beside me, but I squeezed his hand, letting him know I wanted to handle this.

“Hurts don’t it?” I kept my voice low, trying to sound vaguely threatening. At my whopping height of five feet tall, it was a little difficult to intimidate the big boys. “Waking up and not knowing what happened. Being sore in all the wrong places. Feels like a hangover from hell, but it’s not. Is it Dick?” My mouth firmed as I remembered waking up next to Logan.

I know waking up to Logan wasn’t a bad thing. But thinking I’d lost my virginity and didn’t even remember it? That was bad, and that was Dick’s fault.

His mouth tightened but his eyes finally shifted from mine. I could see it now, lurking in his eyes, the thing I’d been looking for. Guilt.

I could see practically the entire school watching us, trying to overhear our conversation, but I’d deliberately kept my voice low. This wasn’t a conversation for everyone to overhear. This was between us.

“Feeling guilty Dick? Cat got your tongue?” I baited him, waiting for him to blow.

I could see him weighing his words carefully, eyes shifting to meet Logan’s gaze and he nodded imperceptibly. “I’m sorry,” he muttered out. I almost didn’t hear him.

“What was that Dick? I don’t think I heard you right.” I needed to hear him say it out loud. I needed him to realise, no, I needed him to admit he’d done something wrong.

“I’m sorry I put the GHB into your drink at Shelly Pomroy’s party.” The words came out rushed and clipped together all on one long breath. But he’d finally admitted to doing something wrong. It was a step in the right direction.

“The pictures will be down by lunch.” I nodded at him and moved away, Logan still clinging to my hand. I stopped halfway down the hall and turned around, meeting Dick’s gaze from where he hadn’t moved, “But Dick? If I hear about something like this again…” I let my words trail off as his face turned bleach white. I was understood, Dick wouldn’t be drugging another girl at a party. Not while I was around anyway.

**_Justice. It’s a funny thing isn’t it? A double edged sword, I got even with Dick, but… I showed a part of myself I’m not sure I should be proud of. The part of me that was just like Lilly._ **

**_If I’ve been relating the details right, then you should understand that I wanted to be like Lilly. Right up until I managed to be just like her… and then I wasn’t so sure that’s who I wanted to be._ **

**_It took something very silly for me to realise that being Lilly? Wasn’t all it was cracked up to be._ **

Logan dragged me to another 09er party. He’d said something about conquering my fear, not letting anyone else win, being strong. Or something along those lines, I was too busy quaking in my sandals to actually listen to a word he said.

My nervousness had slowly faded away when Lilly had walked up beside me, linking our arms and pulling me away from Logan. I glanced back over my shoulder, his smile reassuring me. It seemed like hours ago, maybe it was hours ago. I’d finally given in and had a little bit to drink. Logan had gone to the bar to get every drink that he’d placed in my hand. He’s trying to allay my fears, and I have to admit to myself it’s working.

I couldn’t remember seeing Lilly in awhile, so I patted Logan’s hand to get his attention, whispering in his ear that I was going to find Lilly. He kissed me softly on the cheek before he nodded, letting go of my waist reluctantly.

Searching for Lilly in a house full of boys when I was totally sober was difficult enough. Searching for Lilly in a strange house full of boys when I was half drunk was next to impossible. I couldn’t help but feel hurt that she’d ditched me, when she’d known how nervous I was.

I could hear her voice, coming through an open window. The strident tones of some guy with her, I moved closer to hear better, wanting to make sure she was okay. If I’m honest with myself, I really wanted to know what or who had dragged her outside the party.

Weevil.

“Look Blondie. I know you don’t want to be seen in public with me. That’s fine. I understand the whole different sides of the zip code thing. Calling me out in the middle of the night to an 09er party? Not the brightest idea you’ve ever had.” Weevil’s voice was gentle, almost teasing. I could hear Lilly sniffling light. She sounded like she was crying.

“So I’m not bright?” Lilly’s tone was defensive and I could now hear the tears clearly. Lilly Kane was crying. The shocking part was that Lilly Kane was crying over Weevil.

“Don’t put words in my mouth. You want to fight, we’ll fight, you want to cry, we can do that too. Just spit out what you’re trying to say so I can get out of here before someone sees me.” Weevil’s voice had gone from gentle to slightly angry.

“So this wasn’t one of my better ideas.” Lilly’s voice was muffled. I could hear a wet sound, and blushed.

I heard a zipper go down and I bolted. I did not want to hear Lilly and Weevil having sex.

Lilly reappeared a few minutes’ later, slightly dishevelled, eyes red, even her nose was splotchy. I quickly headed in her direction herding her into the bathroom.

“We need to fix your makeup.” I said without preamble, not letting on I’d heard part of her conversation.

“I won’t be seeing Weevil again.” Her voice sounded slightly sad. I’d never heard Lilly sound sad before. Not over a guy at any rate.

“You’re… disappointed?” I asked questioningly, I wasn’t quite sure what to say.

“No way!” Lilly tried to make her voice sound upbeat but she failed miserably. “He wouldn’t have been able to handle my fabulous self for much longer anyway. Move on, trade up, right?” She finally met my eyes and I knew. Lilly Kane actually liked Weevil Navarro.

“Right.” My voice was tentative, as I gently rubbed her shoulder. “I’m sorry Lilly.” I offered the apology, hoping it would do something.

“Nothing to be sorry for, Veronica Mars. Let’s go drink, dance, and be merry!” She bounced to her feet, her momentary sadness seemingly forgotten.

“Can I be Sue? I’m not sure I could pull off being Mary.” I quipped quickly, trying to make her smile. It worked, she laughed at my antics, just like she always does.

“You can be whoever you want to be Veronica Mars. Just don’t try to be me. Sometimes it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.” With that last bout of honesty I felt something I’d never felt before. I felt sorry for Lilly.

**_We’d made our way back to where Logan was sitting. He’d taken one look at Lilly’s red rimmed eyes and had known something was wrong. I’d waved him off, and then proceeded to join Lilly in getting rip roaring drunk. Skunked I think is the preferred term now a-days with the young folk._ **

Lilly and I had wandered to a deserted corner of the party. Neither one of us could stand under our own power; we were leaning heavily on each other, trying to maintain our balance on the gently moving couch. At least I think it’s moving.

“You’ve got it pretty sweet, Veronica Mars.” Lilly’s voice was soft next to me, and I struggled to turn my head in her direction.

“Why’s that Lilly Kane?” I giggled out.

“Your parents know you exist. Even when they didn’t know you really belonged to both of them, they still knew you existed.” Lilly’s voice was melancholy, dripping with depression.

“Don’t be an idiot Lilly. Your parents know you exist.” I patted her knee gently, laying my head back on the couch, maybe that would stop the room from moving around on me.

“Nope! Saint Duncan exists, I’m merely here to provide entertainment, and a wild contrast to their only son.” Lilly laughed self deprecatingly, suddenly she sounded way to sober.

“They love you Lilly, they just don’t understand you.” I tried being consoling but the motion of the room was getting in the way, I’m pretty sure I’m going to throw up if it doesn’t stop soon.

“Do you understand me, Veronica Mars? Do you really?” Lilly’s head tipped over onto my shoulder, her breath felt hot against my skin. “Sometimes I’m not even sure I understand myself.”

“Of course I understand you! BFF remember?” I linked our hands together and pulled her closer, trying to stave off the nausea for at least a few more minutes.

“BFF, I remember. Always and forever right?” Lilly sounded so lost.

“Right.” I agreed quietly, closing my eyes, but quickly opening them as the spinning got worse.

Lilly stood from the couch, pulling me with her, catching me as I stumbled. “Let’s go find that boyfriend of yours. Enough of the poor, poor pitiful Lilly act.” She smiled at me and I couldn’t help but smile back. Lilly always made me smile.

“I love you Lilly, Sisters forever remember? Whether with love or blood, doesn’t matter, sisters forever.” I could hear the slur in my voice, but it only made Lilly laugh.

“That’s right. Sister’s forever, and on that note, I have a piece of advice for you.” She leaned in closer like she was going to impart the biggest secret of all. Wasn’t how this whole thing started? I couldn’t remember.

“You’ll always be more fabulous than me Veronica. Just because you aren’t afraid to be who you really are, remember that when you look in the mirror.” Logan’s arms came around me, holding me steady as Lilly placed a soft kiss on my cheek. “Later guys, don’t have too much fun without me!” With a wave of her fingers Lilly was gone.

“What was that about?” Logan whispered into my ear.

“I’m not sure. Maybe I’ll figure it out when I’m sober.” I slurred out, trying and failing to turn around in his arms.

“Let’s get you to bed Mars, before you fall on your face.” Logan laughed, picking me up gently in his arms. The world tilted and I could feel the colour draining from my face.

“Bathroom first.” I mumbled, snuggling closer to feel the laughter vibrating through his chest.

__**For the second time in less than a year I woke up not knowing where I was, the light coming from the wrong direction yet again. I was still wearing my bra and panties, and there was a masculine arm wrapped around me.**

**I’d slept with Logan Echolls.**


	21. Secrets (Part 21)

**_Waking up next to Logan is always an experience. Waking up with Logan the morning after with the hangover from hell was something entirely different. Through the pounding in my head, the queasiness in my stomach, it was still kind of sweet. Logan was… understanding._ **

I couldn’t breathe, I’m sure that’s what woke me up. My lungs were slowly being squeezed to the point of death. The tight pain across my chest jerking me from the sleep of the unconscious, my eyes jerking wide open as I scrambled out of the bed towards the bathroom, falling to my knees in my haste.

“Straight ahead Veronica, the bathroom light’s already on.” Logan’s sleep muffled voice came from behind me as I struggled to my feet to make it to the bathroom in time.

Bare minutes into my retching, Logan’s hands came around me, pulling my hair away from my face, holding it in a loose pony tail as he rubbed soothing circles across my back. I was pale and shaky; sweat beading across my forehead and upper lip as I struggled to contain my heaving stomach.

When I finished Logan handed me a wrapped toothbrush and a glass of water. He waited patiently not saying a word as I brushed the foul taste out of my mouth, then handed me two aspirin. He took my hand and led me back to the bed, gently laying me down before spooning behind me.

Logan’s fingers brushed my hair off my face, his lips close to my ear. “Feel better now?” I shivered at the feel of his breath brushing over the tiny hairs behind my ear.

“Not really. I’m never drinking again.” My voice was quiet, slightly choked as I groaned into my pillow.

Chuckling behind me, Logan’s arms tightened, before he placed a soft kiss at the nape of my neck. “It’s not really you Veronica.”

I stiffened in his hold, I couldn’t help it, “And what am I Logan?” My voice sounded slightly angry, I couldn’t help it.

“Marshmallows and promises.” He rolled me over to face him, placing a tender kiss on my lips. “You’ve always been marshmallows and promises, Mars. You’re not Lilly, you’re not this girl you’ve been pretending to be the past few weeks.” I stiffened more against him, but softened when he pressed his lips to mine again. “Just be you Veronica, I’ll be happy no matter who you are.” He smiled gently at me and I felt myself relaxing even more into his arms.

“And if I am more like Lilly?” I couldn’t help but ask, Lilly’s words from the night before coming back to me.

“Then you’re more like Lilly.” Logan shrugged before smiling goofily down at me. “I’ll take you any way I can get you, red satin and all.” Logan’s lips came down on mine, more demanding now, seeking entrance, and I gave in willingly.

I pulled away after a few moments. “You know we’ll have to talk eventually right?” I questioned. Things were too unsettled between us.

“Of course.” Logan mumbled against my lips. “Just not now.” His hand slid up my torso cupping one breast in his palm. I moaned into his lips unable to help myself.

**_I know, I know, total cop out. Skipping out on the good parts. But there’s so much more to this story, more than just sex, love, manipulation and secrets._ **

**_Yah, I don’t believe that either. It all started with a secret. Two secrets really, secrets that changed everything, changed the dynamic of our group, the shape of my life, the shape of my personality._ **

**_I wasn’t sure who I was anymore. Was I Veronica Mars? Or was I a cross between Veronica Mars and Lilly Kane? I guess everyone goes through that as they grow up. That change from youth to adulthood, the struggle to find themselves. My version of the struggle came complete with soap opera storylines, angst, intrigue, and secrets._ **

**_It all came back to secrets._ **

Monday at school started the same as every other Monday at school, with one exception. Logan and I walked through the doors of Neptune High holding hands. It wasn’t a big thing; it wasn’t a major life altering change. Holding hands didn’t have the power to change the universe.

Lilly nodded knowingly to us as we passed her, smiling that secretive smile she was so good at. The one that said, I have a secret, a good one.

“What are we doing after school?” Logan’s voice startled me, my eyes whipped from Lilly’s smiling face to Logan’s Cheshire grin.

“Want to go to the beach?” I suggested, spinning my lock, and opening my locker. I had to let go of his hand, which didn’t feel right at all. Logan being in tune with me placed his now free hand at the small of my back.

“Want to try surfing?” He laughed at my look of disdain. “I’m kidding. Why don’t I ask Dad if we can borrow the boat? Get a few of us together and go for a cruise?” He smiled softly, placing a kiss on my forehead as I shut my locker and turned towards him.

“Sounds good. Who?” We linked hands again and started moving towards his locker.

“Duncan and Meg, Lilly,” he paused for a moment, thinking, “maybe Dick and the Beav?” Definitely not a well-rounded group.

“Sure sounds good. You talk to the rest I’ll talk to Lilly and we’ll give it a go.” I grinned when his smile turned lascivious.

“Give it a go huh? How about we skip inviting anyone else and we’ll work on that ourselves?” Before I knew what was happening, Logan had me pressed up against his locker, mouth hard on mine as he kissed me breathless.

“Break it up you two!” Lilly’s voice cut through the haze Logan and I were in. He slowly lifted his mouth from mine, never breaking eye contact. “All right, that’s enough, you’re turning me on.” Lilly’s laugh cut through the tension, and Logan and I smiled.

“Then our nefarious plan is working.” I winked at Lilly over Logan’s shoulder, before extricating myself from his arms. “Remember to ask everyone.” I laughed when Logan groaned and banged his head against the locker. “Be a good boy.” I gently kissed his cheek before turning back to Lilly.

We linked arms and started walking towards homeroom. “So spill Veronica Mars.”

“Up for a boat trip after school?” I deliberately played dumb; sometimes it worked, but usually not on Lilly.

“I’m always up for boating, don’t play dumb Veronica Mars.” Lilly laughed. “Logan. You. Alone all night in a bedroom, spill.” Lilly and I stopped just outside of our homeroom.

“Not here.” My voice was quiet as I looked around. “We’ll talk later. Alone.” I smiled slightly before leaning closer. “I’ve got a secret. A good one.” I grinned when Lilly laughed.

“I’m sure you do Veronica Mars. Or at least you better.” We were still laughing when we stepped through the doors.

**_Everything was set and ready to go. Mr. Echolls had let Logan take the boat, we’d stocked up on provisions on the way to the dock, and we were ready._ **

**_Everyone was supposed to meet us at the Dock. I hadn’t realised that Lilly was bringing someone else._ **

“You ready?” Logan’s voice broke into my reverie. I couldn’t help but wonder if this was such a good idea. Duncan and I… we weren’t friends anymore. I wasn’t sure if we could be friends anymore, even if I did know the real reason he’d broken up with me. Things couldn’t be anything but strange.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” I smiled at Logan, trying to reassure him. I knew it wasn’t working when he immediately took my hand and gave it a squeeze.

“Everything’s going to be fine Veronica. You’ll see.” He leaned in and gently placed a kiss on my forehead. “Let’s go.” We both got out of the Xterra and made our way towards the boat, where Lilly and a guy were standing, the other 09ers standing well away from them.

I saw why when they turned toward us and I was faced with Weevil.

He smiled slightly at my shocked expression, ducking his head before grinning outright. I turned towards Lilly taking in her pleased expression, her devious smile, the way she casually brushed against Weevil’s arm every few seconds. They weren’t holding hands, but it was obvious they were more than friends.

Logan went to open his mouth and I squeezed his hand hard, making him look at me. I shook my head slightly, asking him without words to not say anything. I wanted to see how this played out. I wanted to know what Lilly was up too. I couldn’t help but remember her tear-stained face, red-rimmed eyes, and runny nose from the night before.

Logan nodded slightly, letting me know he’d understood. “Ready to get this show on the road?” His voice was jovial as he clapped his hands together.

“We’re not getting on the boat with him.” Dick’s voice came out loud and clear. Glaring at Weevil.

Weevil’s mouth opened to reply but I beat him to it. “Dick.” One word and Dick froze, turning to face me. “Let’s go.” I gave him my best steely look. Watching as he took a deep breath and got on the boat. Everyone else followed suit. I noticed Duncan and Meg for the first time. I remembered her now; she was on the cheerleading squad. They looked cute together.

Logan took my hand and led me onto the boat, Weevil and Lilly getting on behind us. This was definitely going to be an interesting boat ride.

**_You may wonder what a boat ride between friends, and semi friends, and not so much friends might have to do with the story. I wasn’t sure at that point what was happening._ **

**_I should have known that Lilly had a plan all along. It started with a game._ **

To say things had been tense since we got on the boat would have been an understatement. Lilly kept trying to lighten the mood, passing drinks around and being Lilly. Logan had turned up the music to ear splitting, as we cruised out into the harbour. Dick was still glaring at Weevil, and Weevil, for his part, hadn’t said one word.

“Okay this is fun.” Lilly’s voice broke into my thoughts, and I turned to stare at her. A small sarcastic smile lit her features. “Anyone want to start pulling teeth to make the day complete?” She asked with false cheer.

I couldn’t help but laugh out loud, the tension easing slightly. Lilly always had a way of diffusing any situation or making it worse.

“Let’s play a game!” Lilly clapped her hands, bringing the cooler closer to us, passing out coolers.

I was hesitant to take mine. Alcohol these days was definitely not my friend.

“Everyone’s played I never, I assume?” Lilly’s voice had that lilt to it. The one that shouted she was up to something.

We all agreed that we knew how to play the game, and Lilly started us off.

“I’ve never kissed my best friend.” Lilly and I laughed as we both took a drink. We could see the boys around us practically salivating at the thought.

“When?” Logan’s voice was close to my ear. I hadn’t realised he’d dropped anchor and come to join us.

“You were there, remember? Homecoming? You dared Lilly to kiss someone in the limo…” I trailed off as I saw comprehension dawn on his face.

“Ahhh, a little girl on girl, never gets old.” He smiled before quickly pecking me on the lips.

“I’ve never had sex where anyone could see.” I took a drink and watched as everyone but Meg and Duncan drank with me.

“And where was that Veronica Mars, you vixen!” Lilly’s voice came sweet and bubbly as I blushed to the roots of my hair.

“Logan’s Xterra with the door open.” Logan’s cheek rubbed against mine as he pressed our faces together. “Logan was in such a hurry he didn’t even close the door.” I laughed as he pinched my arm.

“Weevil and I outside of the party on Friday.” Lilly laughed as Dick choked on his cooler.

“The backseat of Lilly’s SUV at the beach party a month or so ago.” Weevil’s voice sounded amused as he moved closer to Lilly. He’d finally spoken, and ah, such words to start with. I could feel my face get even hotter. I’d been the one to catch them that time.

We went a few more rounds, getting drunk with every question asked. We were all picking stupid silly things that we all had done, or that we’d all known the others had done.

“I’ve never told someone a secret that wasn’t true.” Lilly’s voice broke slightly on the last words, her eyes meeting mine as she slowly raised her cooler to her lips and drinking.

“Explain.” My voice was slightly breathy as I stared at Lilly. Which secret hadn’t been true, why had she lied at all?

“Your mom and my dad did date, in high school. It ended there. There was no affair. The pictures that Celeste showed Donut were from their high school prom. She told me the truth, even if she lied to Duncan.” I could see the truth in Lilly’s eyes. She’d lied to me.

“I’ve never lied for my own personal gain.” My voice was slightly choked, the game now only between Lilly and I as the others watched on in bemusement. I felt my eyes widen comically as Lilly took another drink. “When?” I asked, my heart fluttering in my chest.

“The same lie. I had my reasons, not all of them were for personal gain though. I wanted you to stop mourning Donut, wanted you to smile again.” Lilly smiled tremulously.

Logan’s voice came harsh against my ear, breaking me out of the trance I was in. “I’ve never put my best friend’s happiness before my own.” Logan, Lilly, and Duncan all drank, as I sat there dumfounded.

I looked back and forth between them; confusion apparent in my eyes, before I had a chance to question Duncan’s voice spoke up.

“I’ve never believed the lies my parents told me.” Duncan raised his glass to his lips and drank, as did Logan, Lilly, Meg, Beaver, and Dick.

I’m starting to think this was a conspiracy on all their parts. I couldn’t get my mind over the shock that Lilly had lied about the secret. Why had she lied, there had to be a reason. There was always a reason.

“I’ve never set my best friend up with my ex-boyfriend.” Lilly drank, and everything was coming clearer.

“I’ve never set my ex-girlfriend up with my best friend.” Duncan drank.

I felt like a spectator in a ping-pong match.

“I’ve never taken my ex-girlfriend’s advice on how to land her best friend.” Logan’s hand came up and I felt the bottle meet his lips next to my face.

“I’ve never not wanted my best friend to be happy.” Lilly, Duncan, and then Logan all drank.

“I’ve never been involved in a conspiracy.” I spoke softly, and raised my glass to my lips. Lilly’s face was blank as she drank. I watched Logan’s hand lift, Duncan raise his glass, and Weevil hesitate before taking a large swallow of his drink as well.

“I’ve never not loved Veronica Mars.” Logan’s voice next to my ear, but I watched as Lilly and Duncan both drank.

**_Sometimes a secret is a secret for a reason, and sometimes you just have to come clean. Let the truth be known and let it have its reign. I’d been royally played by the master. Lilly had gotten the end that she’d wanted. I wasn’t sure why I’d been played so well._ **

**But there you have it. The story of Logan Echolls and Veronica Mars, how we came to be, and how we came to stay.**

**A story started by a secret, and finished by the truth.**

**That day on the boat, I can remember so clearly, was the beginning of everything. The end to the secrets, but the beginning of Veronica Mars, version 2.0.**


End file.
